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Yesterday, we cut all contact. I came up to MI via train and he seemed excited about the fact that we’d be in the same state and time zone. We were texting and Skyping a lot, and it was pretty warm and friendly.
But my family kept raising suspicions that he wasn’t what he seemed to be. They thought it was strange that he didn’t make plans to see me despite saying how much he’d cared for me. It was all I’d been hearing since I arrived and I just cracked and told him what was going on.
He was pretty offended and upset by it all. He said seeing me was too last minute for him and that he had a lot going on, and making time for me was almost too “forceful.” (Actually, he had a lot of reasons for not wanting to meet just yet such as sexual tension, busy schedule, and the fact that it’s too soon for us to see each other.) We talked through it and eventually, it was okay again. He said he’d make strides in becoming closer to me. And, we were going to go on cam later that night, just to wave hi. But it didn’t happen. It was hours later and he mentioned feeling depressed, and yeah, I didn’t press.
The next day (yesterday), my insecurities and doubts finally got the best of me. I texted him saying I had my doubts and I wondered if he had something to hide. Needless to say, he didn’t react too well. He went nuclear, in fact. We had quite a nasty fight, and we basically deleted each other off our phones and Skype.
It’s always been hard trying to get him to send pictures or go on video chat. He always had a reason. He even took a picture of his driver’s license just to end the allegations from my family that he was younger than 20. Of course, his picture wasn’t in the shot…he said he had a “stupid face” in it. But maybe he really did have good reasons, and I should have been patient and more trusting.
I feel like I blew it completely. But my family keeps saying there have been red flags, but they’ve never talked to him.
I just don’t know. I don’t know if I did the right thing or not. I miss him like crazy.
Thanks for the replies!
Last Thursday, I talked to him. I told him how I felt, especially whenever he pushed me away and lashed out. He got really defensive, but I didn’t let him detract the conversation. Eventually, I was able to break through and he actually admitted to being emotionally volatile at times. He said that whenever he’s really down, having me around him scares him because he’s so vulnerable and the people in his past didn’t treat him very well.
He also said he would work on not pushing me away and lashing out. I told him I’d work on not being cold and distant. We both agreed that we want the trust between us to grow.
I was pretty sick for the past few days and yesterday, he was extremely concerned to the point of being a mother hen. Later, when we were both awake, we had a really nice chat and we had fun playing a couple of online games.
I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’ll continue to work on developing a strong relationship with him. I know a good thing when I see it and I’m not going to just give up so easily, whether it’s a friendship or something more. I’m a commitmentphobe too (he’d actually be the first one I’d be willing to commit to if it ever comes to that), so I can’t really judge. But I used to be like him too–emotionally volatile and scared because of deeper issues, usually relating to intimacy. I’m not going to be his therapist, but I’ll be there for him.
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