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MariaParticipantShe’s gone.
MariaParticipanti meant that in more of a…”magic button” kind of way. It’s nice to get input on things but no one on here can…give me the money I need, or give me anything physical that would help. Know what I mean?
MariaParticipantI mean, it’s something to look forward to – someone actually paying attention to my shit
MariaParticipantThe laundry bag was in reference to my previous post – the first line of it I think. The parents was, yeah, lack of a loving mother and no father in the picture.
And the blood was, yeah, from being raped.
Things are getting darker and colder, man.
MariaParticipantI don’t care what the circumstances were for him- he’s a rapist and lower than trash – so is his fucking sister who was my best fucking friend but blamed me for it anyway.
MariaParticipantIf you’re interested, here’s the original comic it’s from
MariaParticipantWell, trust me, I’ll be on and off here for awhile.
I have many things to say and have no idea how to say them~
MariaParticipantJust a nickname~
…Unless you mean the title of the post. That was just playing on the fact that I use that as my nickname.
MariaParticipantThe cow thing was actually from the cousin who blamed me for my rape.
When we were still great friends, I drew a picture with a silly cow in the background and it…sorta just stuck. Since then my username has been “acowinthebarn” because…the cow WAS in a barn in the picture. I’ve also learned to love cows since then.
Also yes, everything you said was what I said but a lot more to the point and easier to read.
August 1, 2018 at 12:33 pm in reply to: poetic venting stopped workin' for me a long time ago #219923MariaParticipantFierce but terrified.
July 31, 2018 at 10:25 pm in reply to: poetic venting stopped workin' for me a long time ago #219797MariaParticipantWell I wish the fear would manifest more clearly instead of making me feel like a cat backed into a corner
MariaParticipantYes, I’m still in touch with her.
MariaParticipantUh…existing and being satisfied with it, I guess? I was sheltered from the world mostly because of my controlling mother but also the luxuries being a military brat provided.
Mom didn’t have to pay bills since she was in the military so we could afford to live in comfort (although she…was still a stickler for some reason) but now I’ve experienced the world outside of that…
How do people even bother pretending to want to live in this shitty place?
MariaParticipantNever had the energy to start healing. Never thought I needed to heal as much as I probably do.
A lot of people referred to me as “strong” throughout my life so I guess…it…subconsciously made me think I didn’t need to heal? I dunno.
But let me tell YA. It got old and frustrating. There’s nothing strong about this shit.
I’m stubborn and persistent but I am not strong. I shouldn’t have to be strong at such a young age – I should have been having fun and being a stupid teenager. Instead I had to put up with abuse and other shit that made me age too fast but at the same time made me act like a fuckin’ 8 year old sometimes ’cause it was stolen from me when I actually was 8.
Only reason I haven’t keeled over is because I like a challenge and I don’t like to lose it.
July 29, 2018 at 12:54 pm in reply to: poetic venting stopped workin' for me a long time ago #219289MariaParticipantThat is…a way I never looked at it to be honest. I mean I thought I was more or less healed but now that I think about it, I often find myself barely able to breathe ’cause the memories are just…overwhelming.
I think I know that I’ve lost a lot, and that a lot has really hurt me
Guess I never realized how bad it was affecting me.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 