If there truly is a spiritual force at work in the universe and what the religions and Jesus said was true I can see it I this situation. Why did you commit this action that you now feel guilt over. We aren’t punished for sin, but we are punished by sin. Jesus told those who he healed that they would be forgiven for there sins if they believed they could be forgiven. He drove out the demons of those who had so much guilt some were paralyzed or blinded because of it. Right now you being haunted by a demon let it go. We are all tempted and later punished by our own guilt. But that is a good reazon to follow a philosophy of life. Overall, never put yourself in a situation like that again, be honest about it with yourself, a d concentrate on yourself being present to things besides just physical sensations and i know you said you were fighting yourself in your head, the ego(devil on our shoulder) can be very convincing which is why it is best to learn methods of hearing it but not listening. Then if you want you can give your all to someone and not worry and feel guilty of past mistakes.

I have been in the same boat as you with the anxiety my whole life and it affects every part of life. Medication has helped me with my symptoms but I don’t want it to become long term. It is worth building coping skills. Therapy can help, but so can just putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. It is something that will require you to be aware of. Meditation is good because it helps you control the symptoms on your own, but it takes practice. Having a good friend that helps you break out of your she’ll is also good, someone who is kind of like a life coach whether they have gone through what you have or not, it is good to hear “you can do it.” You really can do it, but anxiety can cause a person to Feel like they are dying and who wants that, it is easier to just pull back into your shell. You can’t get a job though if you don’t try.

Oops double post, I will touch on some other things here as well. Medication only fixes the symptoms, but once it is gone the symptoms will return that is why it is important to work on yourself while taking medication. Medication can improve quality of life, but no one wants to be on it for their whole life and who knows what the effects of that would be. I think it is important to have a healthy life style getting plenty of omega fatty acids and foods that agree with your chemistry, meaning if grains don’t agree with you or milk stay away from it. Exercise is really important, they still don’t know all the different chemicals and neurotransmitters that are released, but they know exercise improves mood. Have a support group, if you are an introvert get a therapist or life coach.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Mike.

Is it better to stay together in an unhappy union for a kid(s) or to let go and find happiness elsewhere? This is the toughest question ever to answer and it seems that the “experts” all say different things. Strength and self-reliance are good traits to have and to pass on. A relationship is not much different from anything else in this world of impermanence. When something is broken and can’t be fixed it is madness to keep attempting to get it to work, when the very thing that kept it operational has crumbled into oblivion. Maybe people say it teaches children perseverance and not giving up, but it really teaches that we are better off being unhappy than to take chances and face difficulties alone.

I am somewhat the same way and it comes down to this; Are you ever satsfied or content with what you currently have? You seem restless, which Seems like it confuses you. You can blame your ego for this, but don’t. Think about if you were you to lose what you have, did you take it for granted? Do you appreciate the same things about your wife that made you marry her? When we always have to be chasing the next thing it affects every thing in our life. It is a skill that must be cultivated, most of us are not endowed with it. why do monks and other holy People give up all strivings and belongings. You don’t have to become a monk though just don’t take anything for granted, be thankful for what you have as well as accomplished.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Mike.

That is quite an experience you must have had, I am interested in where you came back to? I live in a small suburb of Detroit, lived here my whole life. I have a friend that went into the Marines and saw the world at 20 and when he came back not only did he have differences in him from being around War, but he would complain about “home” how people and things don’t change and how it is like coming back to a fish bowl it is trapping. The fish living in a bowl have no idea what is beyond that fish bowl, they are ignorant so it is pretty difficult for others who have seen the world and especially the struggles of others the world over and empathized with them to connect with those who live superficial lives complaining about how their internet doesn’t go fast enough or their new car. He was literally all over the world Europe and the Middle East in the midst of real people not just the places that are built up for tourism. Sometimes he would have to stay in houses with Iraqi families, and some welcomed them and some didn’t. He lived on a ship for a while chasing somalian pirates. When he first got out for good, he was depressed, anxious and felt alone and unable to connect. Now he has been out of the Marines for a few years, he went back to school for Arabic made it into Columbia, went and studied in Jordan has been to a few other places and has tons of friends all over.

While you weren’t a Marine and didn’t have to go to war, I see somewhat that you come across as a restless spirit much like my friend. You were like a fish in the ocean and now you are back in the fish bowl and it is too small for you, because you have outgrown it and learned how to take care of yourself in the ocean you can handle it. I have noticed people aren’t much different than fish they grow (psychologically) according to their “world.” Put a small fish in a big lake and that small fish will grow big. Put that same fish in a tank and it will only grow as much as there is room for it. Something is holding you back though, whether it is a plan for what you are going to do to again be free or not I hope that some of this was somewhat helpful and gave you a different view of your situation.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Mike.

It seems you are at a transition in your life and that can be tough. As you described it, everything is in a flux of change new school, new place, new friends, and your old friendships are changing. Not only that, but you are in this more than friends, less than lovers relationship. Which is what? Is that best friends with benefits and you don’t know what the future of the relationship is? That really complicates things in life more than they already are. Its like a time buying device or just a matter of indecisiveness on his part, why is he ready for the physical, but not for the relationship? It’s like the old saying why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free?

As far as mental health and physical health are concerned these are things you must work on, neither are given to us with out work and dedication. Of course everything happening will affect how you take care of yourself, but if it is something you need to do then you have to find some way to make it into something you WANT to do. As your friends are concerned, friends grow apart and it sounds like you no longer find your friends interesting and they don’t understand how everything that is happening in your life is affecting you. Friendships are complicated, especially highschool and childhood friendships, people change and grow up. I don’t know how you were before, but maybe you were a push over who was always the one that listened to their problems and now you have your own problems to worry about that they have no one to complain to? It is fairly easy making friends in college as everyone is in the same boat. Stay positive, you are young and still have plenty of time to make friends and enjoy life!

Its your own responsibility to take the steps towards achieving the dreams you have for yourself. If you are 58 and you say you have not achieved any of your dreams then what has been holding you back, obviously our dreams have to be rational to our potential and the way the world works. I can wish and wish to write anything as great as the really great authors, to put out an overnight sensation, but that probably is not in my future and it can’t be in my future if I never write anything let alone a book. If getting a job to fund your dream is difficult or you are just burnt out on your job then get into a new field of work in two years you are going to be 60 anyway, you can be 60 still in your same predicament or you can go get training in a new field and be 60 with a new more interesting career.