I have found that sometimes being nice to others is seen by some as being weak, a reason to be taken advantage of. A lot of times us nice know what is going on and we leave feeling like suckers, but we want the others to be big enough to rise to our niceness and reciprocate. Sorry, that isn’t going to happen. Especially in our world of eat or be eaten. Its sad the way our world is, the nice people are always the ones to suffer most while it is those who are the most cutthroat and maybe even evil, at least mean are the ones who prosper (in most cases). Why should nice people suffer for being nice? They shouldn’t.

Now while I don’t know your coworker, almost always in these types of situations there is a motive. She is trying to undermine you for a reason, is it to feed her ego? Get herself higher in the company? Or move you out? if that is the case then it really is beneficial for YOU to take charge of the situation in a way that not only makes you look professional, but also don’t let it turn into chaos because she is probably counting the times she has “Successfully” given you help and she will may use your handling of the situation against you.
In the book “Opening the door of your heart” Ajahn Brahm tells a story about a snake who has a bad reputation among the people for being mean, he had no problem biting. As he got older though he wanted to settle down so went to the local temple to learn the ways of Buddhism. He gave up his mean ways and just meditated, he didn’t even hiss anymore. People would walk by with out a reaction from the snake and they thought he was dead or dying. Eventually some kids started throwing rocks at him and he ended up all bruised so he went up to the temple and told the buddhist monk off. The monk saw him coming, [“what happened to you?” The snake exclaimed back, [“Its your fault I knew this meditation, Buddhist stuff was garbage”] The monk shook his head, [I told you not to bite, I didn’t tell you to stop hissing.”] The moral of the story is mean people will beat you up (not always physically, but maybe) if you don’t at least act like you will bite.
Hope I could help you

Everyone has baggage as long as you aren’t trying to make yourself out to be what you are not like the perfect flaw free person and you aren’t trying to unload your baggage on someone else then you are fine.

I have similar feelings as you and have made my life because of self hatred, and as an introvert it can help you to answer those questions by looking within yourself not outside of yourself at what others think of you or who they think you are. What other people think should never matter, easier said than done but you must let go of caring about other people’s judgments of you they are no better than you and your life does not depend on their approval. Our lives are so short and in the grand scheme of things miniscule, there are billions of people on this earth and we all have a story yet how many do you know out of the billions? How many know of yours? I keep hearing a quote by Victor Frankel that we don’t always have control over our situations and circumstances but we have control over our attitudes towards them. Life is too short to worry about who other people think you are and trying to fit that narrow label, when you should be living your life as you see fit and know and be comfortable with your self no matter what others think. The only way to change your life is through action, thought and worry will never take you where you want to be.

It is difficult to understand why what hurts us in life hurts us; Let downs, heart breaks, betrayal, loneliness. Then there are our wants and “needs.” We feel the need to be in relationship, to get married and we want it from someone special and it has to be reciprocated. But what if the person we want doesn’t want us back? What if the person who we want is more looking for a business arrangement rather than love. Remember that the high we get at the beginning of a relationship doesn’t last, it is our own self deception that we feel that way, because it is just a temporary feeling. If we walked around present to every moment and realized that every flickering thought that went through our brain was just our ego begging for attention then we wouldn’t suffer so much. It is easy to get caught up in the ego and what the ego wants, but the ego is like a bratty little kid when it doesn’t get what it wants it has a temper tantrum and we suffer. Very rarely do we feel hurt because something really hurt us, you feel hurt because in your mind you have labeled this girl as the one for you, “as yours!” like a child and I am not trying to belittle you, but it helps sometimes to take a step back and look at yourself as you do in meditation. We always think that we are in total control of our selves and we want what we want because it is what WE want, but really there are so many different motivations going on in our minds and we are hardly aware of them, but when we are aware of them that is called PRESENCE. It takes letting go of ego and being more of an observer of thoughts, rather than a participator. I think this will help you because when we are hurting we are really not being rational most of the time, especially when it has to do with “love.” Instead of saying you are broken hearted, say you have a bruised ego because this girl who you felt a strong attraction for ditched you. It might even help to write it down in a journal to sort stuff out. It is nearly impossible to let go of ego completely, just understand that it is what is hurting thus it is making you a mess.

To “make it” in anything passion is the number 1 ingredient. They say to master or be a professional in any skill requires 10,000 hours of practice. Sure if you have natural talent it helps, but it takes passion in order to practice and work hard. What is exactly is talent anyway, the brain is pretty good at picking up new skills when practiced. Basically talent is just saying that a person is predisposed to be good at certain types of activities. A person who plays piano can have talent, but what is exactly is that talent? It is the ability to make music on a piano, the person is able good at multitasking, has good cordination, can hear the sounds that make up music. This person could have done a number of different things that involved those same functions. Many people who are “professionals” in a field admit that they have no natural talent that they just work hard. It is always a blend of things. Sports usually require athleticism and ability in that sport. Can a person really have natural talent to put a ball through a hoop? No they have good depth perception and able to shoot the ball the exact same way consistently. There are people with very little athleticism that can put the ball through the hoop as well as any professional basketball player yet don’t have the other same attributes that would make them a “talented” basketball player. There are some really talented people who blow it. All in all you are doing it right, you have a mentor if you work hard and put in the hours talent is a non factor.

I have just become a father as well, and I am not in a good relationship with the mother yet we are forced to live together and I am supporting her 100%. We argue daily, she blames me and I blame her. She has never done things that your ex did that is very heartless and will come back to haunt her someday in someway. Having a child is life changing as you know and a lot of guys in your shoes would be gone. There is not equal rights when it comes to children it is the coldest of truths. If a man slept around on his pregnent ex he would probably never get an opportuntity to see it as a baby. Truth be told your main concern should be your child and whether her behavior affects your child. Someday your child is going to be older with the abilities to think and act on their own behalf, they will make their own decisions about relationships and they won’t remember what happened as a baby. They might see pictures of events minus you, but in their maturity they should be able to see that it that from the time they can remember you have always been their father who puts them before all else where as the mother can not say that. It is a shame you missed that stuff and the way she is being and you and her are always going to be connected so you need to make her realize that. I believe you can get a DNA test to prove you are the father in order to get rights, (or maybe you aren’t even the father) but that won’t change mom’s behavior. I really can not believe she was able to do so much with a newborn baby as they need constant care. I am not an expert but I would say you should talk to a lawyer as soon as you can, if her situation changes she may come after you for back child support + support from there forwardwhich will exceed what it would have cost had she included you. As for the bitterness, the only thing you can do unfortunately is chalk it up to a bad situation and try to make it right by the child that is be there, and realize the mother is who she is, she sounds rotten but as long as her behaviors don’t affect your child then let her go.

Moving on is the only thing you can do, and that is easier said than done, but only you can forgive that person who you were then We our an ever changing entity, the human body that is, not only does our body change through cellular processes, but our minds, brains, and the essence of who we are changes as well. From infant to toddler, toddler to child, teen to young adult, adult to senior we are always changing. Through learning and experience and even things out of our control we are constantly changing. During our teen years some become the victims of hormones that drive us mad with desire, some never develop out of this phase. Some people develop greatly around their thirtieth year where it is said that their truer “person” has finished developing, but some people change later in life. One of the main qualities that is either developed or stunted is that of will power and self control, also what may be called having good character, knowing right from wrong and doing right and abstaining from wrong.

You have found yourself guilty in the court of your mind and you feel that you must suffer for your “sin,” rather than accepting that you have already sufferred through being ignorant of your “sin.” To me this is what Jesus Preached yet Christianity has missed the ball. You ruminate your guilt of past wrong doings, that trivial at that, they were growing pains and many go through the same thing. Forgive yourself and you shall be forgiven and that feeling of hell will release its grips on you.

People suffer either by not accepting who they are or not accepting who they were. In one case you can’t change and must accept it and in the other you must accept who you were. You can’t change who you are to others if they only see who you were, then who cares . If you love having fun and being passionate then that is apart of who you are and does not mean you have to be guilty or change that characteristic only that you must learn self control as you did so forgive yourself and accept the present you because in 10 years you may be feeling guilty for wasting this time for feeling guilty and when you are dead or dying you will be suffering with thoughts of guilt still and will be sentencing yourself to hell if there is an afterlife or not as you want to be at peace as you leave this life.

I have been in that situation for the past 5 years. I don’t live in my parents house, but the house I live in is paid off and was handed to me. I got my degree in criminal justice and really was never passionate about it just though it would always be a solid career with good benefits. I have never had a real job per se, I have always worked for the family apartments or done seasonal work such as cutting grass and snow removal. It is fine for me, but there is pressure to do something else. Lately I have been trying to take the skills I have developed fixing apartments and making it into a full time career. I love being creative and seeing progress, so I see it can be very fulfilling. I love learning and some of the work is mindless so I can listen to audio books or music to get me through it. It does have its drawbacks though such as lack of structure and that when i make a mistake it will come out of my own pocket and i have to pay out oc pocket for my benefits. I fought tooth and nails at first cause I thought that work is supposed to impart meaning to a person, but really we are all born with a gift and sometimes it takes a little work to find it. Sometimes we have to work jobs we don’t want in order to get the one we want and be where we want in life. It takes work and independent study at times, make yourself an asset to the field you want to work in and learn things that will set you apart.