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How I Found Hope and Inspiration After Years of Quiet Desperation

ā€œMost men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.ā€ ~Henry David Thoreau

How many years do we live with a sense of quiet desperation, faking the connection we have with ourselves? Why do we deny ourselves authentic living and exchange our time for mindless living?

Over the years, life silently and slowly eroded my identity away. By the time my son was twelve years old, Iā€™d completely lost touch with reality. I was always busy trying to be everyoneā€™s hero and creating this perfect little world around me. While juggling the …

How I Started Enjoying My Alone Time Instead of Feeling Lonely

ā€œThe only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.ā€ ~Bessel A. van der Kolk

Learning to be alone as an adult has been a struggle for me. It’s taken quite a while for me to adjust to spending periods of time by myself. It may sound strange to those who know me because I am most definitely an introvert and need my quiet time. However, my time alone was never quite as satisfying as I’d hoped it would be.

Often my solitude …

Itā€™s a Myth That We Can Just ā€œGet Overā€ Pain and Loss

ā€œThere is some kind of a sweet innocence in being humanā€”in not having to be just happy or just sadā€”in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time.ā€ ~C. JoyBell C.

ā€œI just feel like itā€™s never ending… like I should be more over it by now,ā€ my friend says, her eyes looking down at her mug of tea. She lost a loved one three years ago in tragic circumstances.

Her words make me sad, and there are layers to my sadness: Iā€™m sad for her loss, her grief, for the difficulty she …

Collective Trauma Online Summitā€”A Transformative Free Event

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by everything thatā€™s going on in the world and powerless to help? Even if you avoid the newsā€”which to be honest, I generally doā€”youā€™ll still be bombarded with the latest conflicts and tragedies when you log on to social media. We may look to our smartphones for a little break from the chaos, but really, thereā€™s no escape from it.

Itā€™s not that we donā€™t careā€”thatā€™s not why we often try to zone out and tune it all out. Itā€™s just all so heavy and scary and disheartening, not to mention never-ending. Still, we canā€™t …

How to Re-wire Your Brain for Better Relationships

ā€œFor one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.ā€ ~Rainer Maria Rilke

I was eight years old when my father and I somehow ended up in a heated, verbal struggle. I donā€™t remember what we were fighting about, but I remember that he was yelling at me.

I already knew by then that my father didnā€™t deal well with anger. It wasnā€™t uncommon for him to explode into fits of rage. I donā€™t …

What Helped Me Reclaim the Creativity I Loved as a Kid

ā€œAbsolute attention is an act of generosity.ā€ ~Simone Weil

When I was a child, I used to write poems as presents for my parents on birthdays and holidays.

Iā€™d sit quietly and think of what I wanted to say. Then Iā€™d try to turn that into musical language. Iā€™d write those words on the page, and then Iā€™d draw a picture to go with it.

It didnā€™t occur to me to even ask whether my parents would like my poem or not; I just assumed they would.

Then I got older. I stopped giving my parents poems for presents. I …

The Negative Impact of Not Feeling Your Feelings

ā€œIf the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.ā€ ~Sidney Banks

I spent most of my life scared of my feelings. Having feelings and expressing them made me mentally illā€”or so I was led to believe by a large number of mental health professionals. When I felt sad, they labeled me as depressed. When I showed any signs of anxiety, they gave me another list of mental health disorders I needed medication for. And if I was angry? Oh well, that was the absolute worst. That clearly proved …

The Art of Slow Living: How to Reclaim Your Peace and Joy

“In today’s rush, we all think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just being.” ~Eckhart Tolle

We’re going to start with a visualization exercise. Set a timer for one minute, close your eyes, and reflect on your happiest childhood memories…

I was born into a family of wanderers, individuals who held a deeply rooted love of travel, and an even deeper sense of adventure. My happiest childhood memories are the times when we packed up our suitcases and hit the road (or the sky or the sea).

In the quiet stillness of …

If You Don’t Like the Cards You Were Dealt…

ā€œPeople are so caught up in their own negativity and losses that they give up on creating the future they want.ā€ ~Grant Cardone

I have a friend. Let’s call him Ram. Ram is always angry because of the cards that he was dealt in life. He comes from a middle-class family that has no money or inheritance. He got a decent education but couldnā€™t go to a better college because his parents didn’t have the money to fund it.

Heā€™s disappointed that his education has limited his opportunities. Heā€™s frustrated that he has to spend money on public transport while …

3 Practices That Help Ease the Pain of Being Highly Empathetic

ā€œI do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.ā€ ~Walt Whitman

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in anotherā€™s experience and understand with depth the gravity of their situation. In general, I believe the world needs more empathy.

But Iā€™ve learned over the course of my twenty-nine years that sometimes being a highly empathetic person is incredibly painful. And sometimes too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

Hearing stories of the pain that people experience can be extra painful when your mind tries to carry their pain around …

4 Fears That Create People-Pleasers and How to Ease Them

ā€œIt feels good to be accepted, loved, and approved of by others, but often the membership fee to belong to that club is far too high of a price to pay.ā€ ~Dennis Merritt Jones

Like a lot of people, I grew up putting othersā€™ needs and wants first. I learned early that doing things for other people and accommodating their wishes gained me attention and approval. It was only in those moments that I felt good enough and deserving of love.

As a child, I liked nothing more than feeling indispensable and being told I was a good and …

Pain, Suffering, Joy, Loveā€”Meditation Helps Me Experience It All

ā€œI know, things are getting tougher when I canā€™t get the top off the bottom of the barrel.ā€ ~Jesse Michaels

No one thought I was going to live to see twenty. Including me. In fact, I vividly remember telling my father that it would be miraculous if I saw twenty-five. It wasnā€™t emotional. It was simply a statement of fact. And yet here I amā€”mid-thirties, wife, daughter, one on the way, house, job, sense of purpose. What happened?

I was one of those kids with questions. Big questions. ā€œWhat does it all mean?ā€ questions. I used to wonder what …

Understanding Is Love (and the World Needs More Love)

ā€œUnderstanding is loveā€™s other name. If you donā€™t understand you canā€™t love.ā€ ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I recently attended a weekend workshop, and there was a man in the group who always had a strange look on his face whenever we had to look for a partner to work with. I noticed that some people avoided him, like they didnā€™t want to work with him. Perhaps it was the vibe he gave off because of the way he looked at people.

At some point later in the weekend I sat with him. It was hard to put my finger on it, …

Our Odd Culture of Over-Sharing and the Quest to Be Relevant

ā€œBe yourself. Life is precious as it is. All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just be.ā€ ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

We show off our best momentsā€”another sunshine shot from the beach, big smiles, cocktails and all. We try to be controversial. We ride the wave of the latest trend, showing weā€™re ā€˜on pointā€™ and ā€˜in the know.ā€™ We follow in the slipstream of something clever or enlightened someone else has said, rewording a little as if itā€™s now ours to own.

We hit send. We repeat.

As …

My Favorite Tip to Ease the Pain of Grief

“Itā€™s also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, thatā€™s sitting right here right nowā€¦with its aches and its pleasuresā€¦is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.” ~Pema Chodron

Many people like to think of grief as an emotional experience. It’s something that dominates your internal, emotional space, and that’s it.

But it doesn’t take long when you’re in the thick of grief to experience grief that isn’t emotional at all.

You feel heavy. Like there’s a giant weight on your shoulders.

You feel like your legs are weak and shaking from …

What I Did When I Felt Lost and Purposeless

ā€œA good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.ā€Ā  ~Lao Tzu

About a year ago, I came across an e-course titled ā€œFind Your Purpose in 15 Minutes.ā€ I found this course during a time when purpose was something I was actively looking for. For the first time in my life, I wasnā€™t sure what to do next, and without anything to work toward I was looking for a new motivation to pull me forward.

The e-course I stumbled upon represents a society increasingly concerned with fulfilling its destiny. There is an unsettling pressure, particularly from …

When Things Go Wrong, I Remember This Day

ā€œThere is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.ā€ ~Richard Bach

Iā€™d wanted to visit Alaska nearly my entire life. Iā€™d always wanted to see the vast landscape, majestic scenery, and awesome wildlife. So as a single, middle-aged mom with two boys aged fourteen and twelve, we went.

It was going to be an epic tripā€”travel from our home in the Midwest to Anchorage, a few days to Denali and back, then down to the coast and a cruise all the way to Vancouver. So …

3 Negative Inner Voices and How to Challenge Them

ā€œBeautify your inner dialogue. Beautify your inner world with love light and compassion. Life will be beautiful.ā€ ~Amit Ray

There is no better way to feel good about yourself than changing your internal dialogue. Yes, you have the power to change your inner voice. You can choose to speak to yourself in a positive way or a negative way.

Stop all activity for a moment.

Be still. Notice what your inner voice is saying. Do you hear anything? If not, ask your inner voice this question: How does it feel to be still?

Listen.

Is your inner voice declaring that …

What a Month of Daily Panic Attacks Taught Me About Anxiety

ā€œYou can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.ā€Ā ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

It happened in the middle of an intimate moment, about a month before my wedding.

One minute I was enjoying a kiss from my fiancƩ and the next thing I knew, I was clutching my face and writhing in agony.

At first, there was a loud thud in my chest, as if my heart had skipped a beat.

Then out of nowhere I started getting this strange sensationā€”like the kind of feeling youā€™d get on an elevator thatā€™s going down too fast. The feeling was so …

How to Step Out of the Drama Triangle and Find Real Peace

ā€œKeep your attention focused entirely on what is truly your own concern, and be clear that what belongs to others is their business and none of yours.ā€ ~Epictetus

Are you addicted to drama? I was, but I didnā€™t know it. I thought I was just responding to life, to what was happening. I really didnā€™t think I had a choice! The drama triangle is so pervasive, and can be so subtle, that it just seems normal. But itā€™s not, and thereā€™s a much saner way to live, I found.

Dr. Stephen Karpman first described the drama triangle in the …