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Nothing You Do Will Be Enough If the Relationship Isn’t Right

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put them back together.” ~Unknown

A couple of months ago my dear friend and I were chatting over coffee.

The subject turned into past relationships and the reasons why they didn’t work. My friend shared a story about her ex-fiancé—one of those “this clearly isn’t going to work, but I sure will try my hardest since I don’t give up” ones. Yeah, that kind.

It’s the kind of story that, telling it now, with hindsight and time on our sides, seems absurd. It’s the …

How I Stopped Being Everything I Hated About My Parents

By in Blog, love & relationships

“The beautiful thing about life is that you always change, grow, and get better. You aren’t defined by your past. You aren’t your mistakes.” ~Unknown

When I was an angsty fourteen-year-old, I remember screaming at my parents that I never (ever!) wanted to become like either of them. And I meant it.

My dad was a workaholic who was never at home. When he was at home, he was emotionally unavailable, arguing with my mother, or he’d escape the stress of our house by going to the betting shop to gamble.

My mother had erratic mood swings, did not allow …

How Restrictive Diets Mess with Our Brains and Lead to Bingeing

By in Blog, change & challenges, healthy habits

“Your body is precious. It is your vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

When I went on my first diet in my teens (low-carb, it was back in the Atkins days), I wasn’t even overweight. I weighed less than 120 pounds, but my jeans had started to get a little tight, so I thought I needed to lose five pounds or so. At the time, I didn’t have a bad relationship with food; I just ate like a typical teenager—not the best choices.

About two hours in, I remember starting to obsess over the things I couldn’t eat …

How I Learned the Power of Letting Go After My Father Developed Dementia

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“There is beauty in everything, even in silence and darkness.” ~Helen Keller

When I was eleven years old, I would force myself to stay awake until the wee hours of the morning.

I was severely anorexic at a time when eating disorders were considered an “inconvenience” you brought on yourself. Anorexia was dismissed as a rich, white girl’s disease (although we were certainly not rich)—a disease that was easily curable with a prescription for a chocolate cake.

Although my emaciated body was a dead giveaway of my condition, it was school that noticed the change in me first. My once …

Stop Waiting for Perfection and Fall in Love with Your Life Now

By in Blog, happiness & fun

I know, so cliché, right? I can practically hear your eyes roll. But hear me out.

In a society driven by results, achievements, and ideals of perfection, there is a huge pitfall that I am becoming increasingly aware of—that we can be so focused on trying to achieve our “best life” that life itself could pass us by and we would have missed it. Missed the beauty of just being here.

We’ve all heard the sayings “Slow down and smell the roses” and “Life is a journey, not a destination.” We hear these sayings and pass them off as embroidery …

How ‘Griefcations’ Helped Me Heal from Loss and How Travel Could Help You Too

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“To travel is to take a journey into yourself.” ~Danny Kaye

The brochure read, “Mermaid tail, optional.” What forty-something mom doesn’t have a shimmering fish tail tucked in her closet for just the right occasion? Not me. I live in Minnesota. I’d borrow one when I got there.

I took a flight from Minneapolis to Panama City, and then a water taxi to a backpackers’ resort. Not the kind with frozen cocktails and bad DJs. The next thing I knew, I was on a sailboat, swinging from an aerial circus hoop suspended over the sparkling Caribbean Sea, dressed as a …

The Power of Waiting When You Don’t Know What to Do

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“Waiting is not mere empty hoping. It has the inner certainty of reaching the goal.” ~I Ching 

Waiting has a bad rap in modern Western society. It’s not surprising that I had to look to an ancient Chinese text (the I Ching) in order to find a suitable quote to begin this article. We don’t like to wait! It’s far easier to find quotes on the Internet about “seizing the day” and making something happen.

I’ve been an impatient person for much of my life. I wanted things to happen to me! I had a definite agenda in my …

Everything I’m So, So Sorry About (and Why I Think Apologies Are Hard)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“There’s the way that light shows in darkness, and it is extremely beautiful. And I think it essentializes the experience of being human, to see light in darkness.” ~Emil Ferris

I was leading a yoga training in a small village in Greece near the Aegean Sea. One of the trainees was practicing a mindfulness workshop she designed. She led us through a guided meditation based on a beautiful Hawaiian practice for reconciliation and forgiveness called Ho’oponopono. As we sat in the yoga space, she repeated over and over:

I love you.
Please forgive me.
I’m sorry.
Thank you.

There was …

7 Lessons from My Father That Have Made Me a Better, Happier Person

By in Blog, happiness & fun, love & relationships

“A father is neither an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way.” ~Unknown

I couldn’t understand his grateful mindset, especially given his obvious rapid decline. My dad was dying. None of us could reconcile a life without our mentor, hero, spouse, brother, uncle, friend, and champion of cheesy dinner table games.

But it was coming, and we all knew it. Still, he’d tell us he’s “counting his blessings, not his struggles.” This from a man with a failing liver and ammonia on his brain.…

Change Made Easy: How to Get Unstuck by Doing What You’re Already Doing

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Take action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

You are stuck because you are waiting to want to do the things you know you need to do to get better. You aren’t doing the things you know you need to do because you don’t want to feel bad, but you already feel bad. You are already doing what you don’t want to do. Why not choose to do something that you don’t want to do that will actually move you forward?

If you are waiting to want to do …

How Sensitive People Can Stop Taking Things So Personally in Their Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“The truth is that the way other people see us isn’t about us—it’s about them and their own struggles, insecurities, and limitations. You don’t have to allow their judgment to become your truth.” ~Daniell Koepke

As a child growing up with a highly sensitive mom, I often noticed her go quiet at the dinner table after my stepfather would make some little comment. Looking back, I know he was just tired and a bit grouchy from a long day at work, but my mom felt hurt by his words.

Over the years, the comments didn’t lessen, but I noticed …

The Art of Nurturing Self-Talk: How to Tell Yourself What You Need to Hear

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You will never speak to anyone more than you speak to yourself in your head. Be kind to yourself.” ~Unknown

Talking to ourselves in a nurturing way can be a challenge if we rarely heard nurturing words in the early formative years of our lives. In fact, if we were often criticized or neglected, we probably learned to criticize and neglect ourselves instead.

When I was growing up, my mom was a dedicated wife and mother, but she suffered from deep depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. She didn’t know how to be encouraging or nurturing because she was never …

Unbecoming the Old Me: How I’m Finally Discovering That Life Can Be Fun

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” ~Albert Einstein

I woke up one morning and realized that I had no idea who I was. I realized that over the past thirty-something years I had been everyone but myself.

I was like a chameleon molding into the people that surrounded me. Not wanting to make noise or cause disturbance to others or trigger my own inner wounds.

My goal was being whoever I thought the person around me wanted me to be. To be accepted, loved, and liked by others. I realize …

9 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self to Help Her Change Her Life

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“You are one decision away from a completely different life.” ~Mel Robbins

At twenty-six years old, I lost my dad to suicide. I was heartbroken and so angry.

My dad was not the best. Ever since I was little, he would criticize everything I did. I was never good enough for him, and I was a place he discharged his anger through emotional insults.

It never stopped, and I was always on high alert around him. Right until the moment he took his life.

He could also be loving, kind, funny, and warm, but my nervous system could never …

If You’re Feeling Judged: One Thing You Need to Understand

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.” ~Albert Einstein

Most of us feel judged at times. We might feel judged for the way we look, the things we do (or don’t do), the things we say (and the way we say them), or for the things we believe.

We might respond to feeling judged by retreating inside ourselves, hiding, and silencing our voice, or we might react in defense or retaliation as if we’re being attacked.

It doesn’t feel good to feel judged. It can hurt, make us feel like we’re not good enough, …

A More Colorful Approach to Meditation—Creating Your Way to Peace

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

Have you ever felt so absorbed in the moment that you lost track of all your worries?

For me, it’s often something creative that gets me into a peaceful state of flow—writing, painting, or scrapbooking, for example.

Creativity is often the gateway to inner calm, assuming you’re able to focus on the process instead of striving for perfection and judging your work. If you combine creativity with mindfulness and meditation, you can bypass the inner critic and tap into the magic of pure presence.

That’s the idea behind Master Peace Box: a monthly art subscription box that pairs with …

How I Stopped Feeling Embarrassed and Ashamed of Being Single

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Be proud of who you are, not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” ~Unknown

“When was your last relationship?” my hairdresser asked as she twisted the curling wand into my freshly blow-dried hair.

“Erm, around two years ago.” I lied.

“Why did you break up?” she asked.

“Oh, he had a lot of issues. It wasn’t really working out.” I lied again.

I had gotten quite good at this, lying to hide my shame over being in my early thirties and never having been in a serious relationship. I had learned to think on my feet; that way, no …

All the Things I Didn’t Tell the Men I Dated Because I Was Afraid

By in Blog, love & relationships

I’ve recently been reflecting on my relationship history and how often I did things I wasn’t comfortable with instead of speaking up.

It would be easy to solely blame the men I’ve been with, but I’ve recognized I played a role by remaining silent instead of communicating my wants and needs and telling them when they were pushing my limits.

I have played a role in my own disrespect by swallowing my truth and showing a smile when I really felt uncomfortable.

I realize that everyone’s experiences are different, but if you can relate to what I wrote, perhaps you …

How to Show Up When Nothing About Your Life Is Perfect

By in Blog, change & challenges

“I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect, and I loved you even more.” ~Angelita Lim

I’m not a perfect parent. I’m not a perfect partner. I’m not in perfect health. I’m not a perfect friend. And I’m far from perfect with my finances.

Hell, nothing about my life is perfect. And guess what? I’ll never be able to attain perfection in those areas. And I’m sorry to say it, but neither will you.

Don’t be fooled by calling yourself a perfectionist. Perfection as a destination is what causes …

Why I Didn’t Trust Myself to Make Decisions (and What If It’s All Okay?)

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver

Lately, I’ve been taking time to think about what I actually want. Not what I “should” want or what other people want for me.

One thing I have learned is that mistakes happen when you choose not to follow your inner guidance system. The problem is that, for many years, I chose not to listen to mine.

Whenever it screamed and pulled at me, desperate to get my attention (“Don’t purchase a car from that shady car dealership! Don’t go out with …