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Ladies, How does she feel?

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • January 14, 2016 at 7:32 pm #92560
    Emmanuel
    Participant

    This incredible woman broke up with me after 3 years. I was so hurt that for a whole year I texted and emailed her all of my emotions, pains, what I learnt, what I loved, how things could of worked, my personal struggles, my personal issues. Essays. Everything in detail. She probably thought i was annoying and a physco. I made myself completely vulnerable, feel some shame in doing it, But the thing is that was my therapy and my closure. I’m surprised she never blocked me. She read every message. She counciled me through the entire breakup for a whole year. She is the only woman who listened to me, I was trained that men should talk less and listen to women. So i am usally the listener for many my women friends. But out of all the women in my life she is the only one that listened to me. Probably the reason we were together. She probably really cared about me. I don’t know why she indulged in me. What I would like to know from a woman’s perspective how does she feel? Honest. Why did she indulged with me after the break up for so long? How does she feel?

    She is the only woman I could express my through feelings and intentions. Not be afraid to be honest regardless of the outcome. I’m raw and detailed. I am not afraid to be a child around her and be playful and make jokes. Not afraid to cry.

    I love her and I want her back. But she told me to move on and pick up the pieces. And what does she mean by this ” We blame others for breaking our hearts when we know that the other person is not good for us…but we still indulge in them”

    How does she feel? How did she put up with me after the break up for so long and council me? People don’t do that.

    January 14, 2016 at 7:48 pm #92561
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emile:

    Am I understanding correctly: for the whole year after your breakup you shared everything with her, in detail, your feelings, struggles, issues, making yourself completely vulnerable in your sharing with her… while all along she listened to you and shared nothing about how she was feeling the whole year… nothing about her struggles and issues?

    anita

    January 14, 2016 at 8:41 pm #92579
    Emmanuel
    Participant

    The last 3 months she expressed the things that I hurt her in the relationship with. And I apologized and we forgave each other. She had trust issues with me and I had them with her as well, but I wanted us to work. I guess the issues were too big for her to get over.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Emmanuel.
    January 14, 2016 at 9:06 pm #92586
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emile:

    You asked in your original post and it is the title of your thread: “Ladies, how does she feel?” Of course just because I am a woman does not mean I know how any other woman or person feels. No way for me to tell or for anyone to tell. This is why I wondered if she did not share with you how she felt.

    If you want to know how she feels, best you ask her.

    She told you then in the last three months of the year after that she was HURT. And then she told you that she forgave you, that means she was angry at you before and when she forgave you, at least at the moment she did, it means she was no longer angry at you. So we have two feelings so far: HURT, ANGER. Then CALM (following forgiveness). At one point, you wrote that she had trust issues with you, that means she was SUSPICIOUS of you, feeling you can hurt her, being CAUTIOUS about not being hurt by you. If the issues were too big for her to get over, it means she was OVERWHELMED, DISTRESSED.

    Why was she in ongoing communication with you for a whole year after the breakup? This is an interesting question. Although I cannot read her mind, one could come up with guesses, or possibilities. If you come up with five, I will come up with the next five (as an exercise). Of course, you could ask her this question yourself.

    When she said: “We blame others for breaking our hearts when we know that the other person is not good for us…but we still indulge in them” it may be that she was saying that you are blaming her for breaking your heart but you are dishonest because truth, she is claiming, you thought that she was not good enough for you and you indulged in her, that is took advantage of her, used her.

    Does it make sense to you?
    anita

    anita

    January 14, 2016 at 9:18 pm #92598
    Emmanuel
    Participant

    I must admit she started to come into my orbit when we started talking. She blamed me for a couple stuff that is going on in her life. And I am shame to say but with all the anger I had that she dumped me, I judged her and criticized her harshly. Much harsher than I have ever done when I had been in the relationship with her. Christmas Day was the last time I used a harsh words on her. She never saw me angry, in anxiety, or out of control with my emotions in the relationship. Always calm and relaxed. I think she was shocked. I just wish I had not done that. We talked good for a few days after that, we talked about probably meeting up, I was helping her out with some stuff, it was feeling like things were getting back good again. She started reaching out and I started to be more relaxed and in peace of mind. Then just all of a sudden, she went back to her old mode again. Withdrawn.

    After I sent her a long message about how I am growing from this relationship and I have recognized the frighted parts of my personality and we should try to cultivate the loving parts of our personality. She sent me a message that I should move on with my life and pick up the pieces.

    January 14, 2016 at 9:27 pm #92599
    Emmanuel
    Participant

    Anita, it makes sense.

    January 14, 2016 at 9:31 pm #92600
    Emmanuel
    Participant

    Well what do i do from here?

    January 15, 2016 at 7:31 am #92612
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emile:

    To figure out what to do “from here” we should better figure out what… here” means. You wrote above “it makes sense”

    For me to understand what it is that makes sense to me, I have to ask: what is it that makes sense to you, Emile? Please write to me as clearly as you can, when you are calm, so your thinking is in its best, what is it that makes sense to you about this relationship, this woman and you in this relationship, and we’ll go from there.

    anita

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