It’s a bit of a tricky one, this. It was a very unhealthy relationship, a bad breakup, and trying to “be friends” afterwards didn’t work out – partly because I oscillated between wanting more-than-friends and disliking him because (the heart of the matter) I didn’t respect him anymore, and partly because he didn’t make any effort. That’s not unique to me – he doesn’t have any friends to speak of, likely for that same reason, from what he’s told me.

After a while of always being the one who initiated contact, and getting short replies (or no reply for days/weeks), I put it to him that we should stop being friends. I can’t continue to have time for people who don’t have time for me and keep my self respect intact, if that makes sense? He responded in quite a hurt way, said it wasn’t that he didn’t have time for me, he’s like this with everyone… and also, that I’d been very judgemental of him during our “friendship.”

The judgemental thing is a fair comment, to an extent. He made a life-changing decision that goes against my values, and I was very, VERY harsh with him about it. I’ve also called him out on a few other things that I felt were disrespectful to his girlfriend, but again… it’s not my relationship, so maybe not my place to judge?

I do find this difficult, because in my circle of friends, we have absolutely no issue with saying “I think you’re being a bitch/dick/whatever”, but we love each other anyway. And we know that. I think my mistake was in assuming that he would know that my criticism of his actions wouldn’t change the fact that I cared about him. And also, my words were really harsh, so it’s probably not surprising.

Sooo… how do I apologise? Given we’ve stopped talking, SHOULD I even apologise? I don’t want to reopen any old wounds, but I also don’t want to leave any damage if I can avoid it. Above all, I don’t want to do the bullshit thing of apologising just to make myself feel better if it’s going to hurt him more. I don’t actually feel bad in myself – I know it was a mistake, and I should have handled things better, but I’ve forgiven myself and am ready to move on. I just want to make reparations, if possible.