Dear El:

I wonder if your ex bf (or present bf)- if he called you confessing of his love for you right after he found out the other girl is pregnant, or soon after, because he felt fear, fear of the consequences of what happened. Maybe pay attention to his character: is the multiple partner preference of his, maybe it is not just a phase but his real preference. Maybe this is how he prefers things now and in the future and he feels safe with you because you accepted it (as a phase). Are you willing to accept this behavior, multiple partners on his part, as “business as usual” if and when you are back with him long enough?

As far as what to say to people who bring up the Facebook thing, you can say what you stated above in this post: “This is an innocent child’s life… I want (this child, at the least) to be happy.”

* You wrote that you want everyone to be happy in this situation- I don’t see how it is possible. It may be an unrealistic expectation and all your efforts to achieve something that can NOT be achieved will be wasted.

anita

Dear El,

I really, really feel your pain with all my heart. I know how difficult it is to deal with a situation where you cannot be with someone you love anymore (whether it is their fault or timing or just the situation at hand). The only advice I can offer you for coping is to take care of you and only you. When people bring it up, do not reply to them. Ask them kindly to refrain from bringing him (and his babys mother)up anymore. It is ok to tell people to stop bringing it up. I know you may want to seem nonchalant or strong in the face of other people, but people don’t matter–you matter. Further, just treat yourself. Finish college strong and start saving up to move. Small towns can sometimes suffocate the individual, go out and see the world. Meet new, exciting people who can offer you more than your ex. Learn new things everyday. Strive for a better you and a better tomorrow. Keep your chin up. I know this is a difficult time, but have faith that what is meant to be will always be.

Best,
Tiffany

PS–SEMDING YOU POSITIVE VIBES

• This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Tiffany Lucia.