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My ex and I are still in love, but….?

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  • October 30, 2015 at 7:53 am #86423
    El
    Participant

    I’ve been on here before, but long story short. My ex and I dated for 3 years. We were best friends, first loves, and just all around in love with each other. We ended up breaking up because I guess he wanted to be free. Meaning drinking and partying (it turns out he wasn’t only doing just that – drugs and having sex with multiple women). We are young, so that I’d natural. I took the break up hard, and we talked back and forth for a while. He always made sure I knew that he still planned on having a future with me.

    Anyways, last week marked the first year anniversary of being broken up. I have gotten a lot stronger since then, but here is where things get sticky. About a month ago, my ex and u finally decided to let go and meet up down the road. Well he had contacted me 2 weeks ago, with this huge text explaining how much he loves me, how I’m his only true love, and how great of a person I am. Then he ended up confessing to me that the girl he was using to get over me, is pregnant…and the baby might be his… It was like a shot in the heart.

    Of course, I freaked out and yelled at him (which I had never done before). Then he ended up getting mad at me. But after I came to my senses, I contacted him a couple days later off of a friends phone (blocked his number) and apologized and told him that I want the best for this baby and that I really hope him and his rebound work out. We’ve been talking occasionally ever since.

    I am completely understanding of the situation. I’m trying to move past it. This is an innocent child’s life. Regardless of who he is with, I just want everyone to be happy. It is very hard. The hardest thing is, everyone can see this on Facebook. I don’t personally have a Facebook, but I have to hear it from a new person everyday “Have you heard about (bleep)?” “Eww, she is so ugly.” “Does she know he still loves you?” “How are you doing?”. It hurts when people bring it up, but again, it is a new person everyday. I’m trying to move on from this, I have even considered actually moving (small town), but I want to finish college out here because it is cheaper and I’m almost done.

    My question is, how do I handle things when people bring it up?

    October 30, 2015 at 8:07 am #86425
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear El:

    I wonder if your ex bf (or present bf)- if he called you confessing of his love for you right after he found out the other girl is pregnant, or soon after, because he felt fear, fear of the consequences of what happened. Maybe pay attention to his character: is the multiple partner preference of his, maybe it is not just a phase but his real preference. Maybe this is how he prefers things now and in the future and he feels safe with you because you accepted it (as a phase). Are you willing to accept this behavior, multiple partners on his part, as “business as usual” if and when you are back with him long enough?

    As far as what to say to people who bring up the Facebook thing, you can say what you stated above in this post: “This is an innocent child’s life… I want (this child, at the least) to be happy.”

    * You wrote that you want everyone to be happy in this situation- I don’t see how it is possible. It may be an unrealistic expectation and all your efforts to achieve something that can NOT be achieved will be wasted.

    anita

    October 30, 2015 at 8:12 am #86426
    El
    Participant

    Oh no, he’s known about the pregnancy for a while. I’m just trying to learn to cope. That’s all.

    November 2, 2015 at 1:22 pm #86583
    Tiffany Lucia
    Participant

    Dear El,

    I really, really feel your pain with all my heart. I know how difficult it is to deal with a situation where you cannot be with someone you love anymore (whether it is their fault or timing or just the situation at hand). The only advice I can offer you for coping is to take care of you and only you. When people bring it up, do not reply to them. Ask them kindly to refrain from bringing him (and his babys mother)up anymore. It is ok to tell people to stop bringing it up. I know you may want to seem nonchalant or strong in the face of other people, but people don’t matter–you matter. Further, just treat yourself. Finish college strong and start saving up to move. Small towns can sometimes suffocate the individual, go out and see the world. Meet new, exciting people who can offer you more than your ex. Learn new things everyday. Strive for a better you and a better tomorrow. Keep your chin up. I know this is a difficult time, but have faith that what is meant to be will always be.

    Best,
    Tiffany

    PS–SEMDING YOU POSITIVE VIBES

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