Dear jomacamp:

I read your post twice. What a pleasure it is to read skilled, talented writing. A treat for me this morning. Things I noticed:

You started writing since you were five: ” I’d write stories on onion skin paper, fold them up and hand them off to my parents.” You were told that “people can ‘see’ what I’m saying” in your writing. And yet, “No one in my family has ever asked me anything about my experience in growing up right in under their noses.”

Did they not read the onion skin papers you handed to them?

You write that you see their side, always weighing both sides, being objective: what is their side? You mentioned it is hard to have a gay child but you were way more than just gay, what is their side of not seeing you?

Regarding seeing your side, your attitude about your side of the story was “I shouldn’t utter a word about anything challenging since I was ‘the problem.’”

No wonder you have such a strong desire to “to show the world who I am.” This desire is born out of not being seen for too long. Isn’t it?

You wrote: ” I’m very objective – even when it comes to my personal life. I always try to see the other point of view.” And indeed your post here is mostly about other people and their motivations and regulations and about you caring for vulnerable children and your desire to be seen, heard, read.

What if you write something very subjective, so subjective that it hurts (more)- expose that pain of being unseen, of reaching out with those onion skin papers with your words when you were a child.

Peace of mind will come to you, I believe, only when that vulnerable child, you, becomes visible, very visible, to you. When you see her, deep inside, feel her pain, know, really know her. Until then, no job, no amount of impeccable writing, even published writing, even fame, will do.

anita

Hi Jomacamp,
Agree with what the others said above – you are already a writer. You write, you enjoy writing, you share your writing with the world.

However – it doesn’t sound like that’s your dream? It sounds like your dream may be to become a published writer? To make a name for yourself? To make a living for yourself from your writing?

First step – I think it might help you to get clear on what your dream is? What do you want to accomplish as a person and as a writer?

Second step – What are the steps you need to take to accomplish your dream? A high level list will do for a start – your list might be something like 1) Understand the publishing process 2) Pitch to a publisher 3) Publish book

And then drill down into each of your steps in the list – How to understand the process? Maybe subscribe to blogs that teach about writing a book? Maybe read a book to get more information about the process? Ask friends if they have any contacts in the publishing world?

As you go through your list, your list will grow longer, but you’ll gain clarity, and a sense of direction of where to go next.

I’ve never written or published a book, so I’m just talking about getting clarity in general. I hope this helps to get going on your dream?

Good Luck!!