I am a black 17 year old girl. I currently live with my parents, and my little brother. I love my father very much, and my little brother as I am close with both of them. The only problem is my mom. I love my mother, that is something that I cannot deny. But, she is abusive, and has been so ever since I was five. When I was younger, I remember happy memories if going to school, playing video games for hours, and enjoying my youth. Since I was so young, I was oblivious my entire families dysfunction, especially that of my mom. At five was when the verbal abuse started. My mom worked a a job she hated. My father and I were her punching bags. She would call me and him names. It mostly me, since I was usually always around my mom. She called me a bitch, asshole, piece of shit, mother fucker, retarded, stupid ass, I hate you, fuck you, and so on. My dad wasn’t always around, and so he didn’t see everything. My mom and dad also argued quite often. I was in the middle of everything. I cried almost everyday. She would call my dad horrible things, like a nigger, and a faggot, and even threaten divorce almost everyday. And I had to hear it. Whenever she would hurt me, she would tell me not to tell anyone as I would get taken away. So I kept my mouth shut for a very long time. I also struggled with school, and was an introvert. My mom would call me bad names for failing, and everytime I forgot something, out came a curse. She would let me play a bunch of video games and not study. When I failed a test, I got the blame. The same with junk food. She’d spoil me and when I gained weight shed out me down and say that I wanted to get fat. I’m healthy now, but she will still make remarks saying “when I was your age I was slim. I lever wanted to be fat. I guess you want to die then, because look at your thighs and hips. I try to tell you are too stubborn and never listen to anyone. Fuckin bitch.”. And “I always ate salads and drank my water. Yo just want to be fat.” I am 140 pounds and drink water and eat healthy. My mom is heavier and still struggles with her weight. As I got older I got bullied more. Making friends was a struggle, since I wasn’t the stereotypical black girl. I liked anime and video games and I still do. When I hit my pre-teens, I git the belt buckle for getting bad grades. I screamed in pain, as my mom would questions why I failed and had to respond while getting hit. This stopped when I was 15, and by then I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I wanted to jump out my window and die. I wanted to end my life so that my mom could understand how I felt. This summer was almost terrible since everyday I wanted to end my life. It’s not as bad anymore, but I still get suicidal thoughts and feel depressed. I’ve also learned to tolerate my mom a bit better, but she can still act abusive. My dad is weak, and so he doesn’t intervene as much, but based in his upbringing I have sympathy, plus he never abused me. My other family, on my moms side, is also dysfunctional. My grandparents had a fist fight, my aunt and cousin have hate and anger and abused each other, and much more. I’m trying to mantain good grades so that once I graduate, I won’t have to rely on my mom for anything. She almost never lets me be independent, and also takes over my ROOM! She will stay in my room for hours and even sleep in my bed. She curse me out if I tell her get out. Confronting her gets her angry, and she denies the abuse, saying she was stressed and I was hard to raise. She is dealing with a court case and is un employed, but stress is an excuse for child abuse, especially when she denies it. We also had a huge fight where I fought her only out of self defense. He stopped my by scratching my hand when I tried to call the
police and run out the door. She told my neighbor about our fight and laughed, saying how I deserved getting beat and that laughed like crazy. One time when was almost about to punch me, and I told her to stop. She said “excuse me? Stop? I’m your mother and I can treat you as I please.” Although she has her loving moments, it’s a sad situation. She is also verbally abusive or my little brother. It hurts me to see her treat hm the exact same, sway she treated me. And he cries, telling me he loves me and my dad, but does not love my mom. We are so close, and I wish I can make him happy. I’m in college now (freshmen) as a commuter. I plan on going to my schools counseling services for help, because I want to be a success. I already maintain a 90 above average, and have dreams of being a child psychologist and creating my own anime. I wonder if my mom will change, if she’ll admire to her abuse. I know she had a rough past, but she was never abused by her parents. Anywho, this is my story. There are other things (no sexual abuse thankfully) but it would take to long to write. I’ll keep holding on, as things will get better.