Dear pikachmew2:

I don’t know how to unreport. If someones knows, I hope they can suggest the way to do it. I understand you made a mistake and I accept your apology. Stuff happens!

anita

Dear pikachumew2:

You are welcome. I hope more people will comment on your thread later, maybe on the busier Monday to come. Take good care of yourself. I am so sorry you live in an abusive home. I hope one day soon, this will not be so.

anita

Dear pikachumew2,

You should first know you are very brave and strong because you’ve come up so far, and never surrendered to the dark thought of suicide. You are very brave because you decided to share this with us, and it is the proof that you want to change, to move forward, to evolve and let go of what hurts. Just for that, right now, you can be proud of yourself.

You are who you are, if you’re not the stereotypical black girl, that is absolutely OK! if it makes you feel any good i’m a dutch/moroccan with asian origins, I love and draw anime, I attend to japanese concerts, I dream to be a writer with stories that will make people smile or help them. Be proud of who you are, if you’re already proud, then you’re one step ahed than your mother.

Her problems are not yours, and she shouldn’t in any case put the blame on you or see you as a punching ball. You have to find a way to disconnect your thoughts brought by the abuse and block the negative energy coming from your mother. It is not an easy task and it’s quite difficult when it’s coming from a parent, but it can be a weight on your soul. These type of persons are called energy vampires, that suck out the positive and spit the negative on us.

Consider practicing mindfulness, meditation and yoga, it may sound silly, I used to think the same, but it really helped me a lot and to let go of what hurts/harms my soul; and I realised how wrong I was looking at life because of some bad events that occured in my life. Give it a try by listening to Mr. Jon Kabat Zinn’s speech on mindfulness, it’s an hour speech but it’s all worth to listen to.

Never give up on any dream, because believe me they do come true after all the hard work ( even if it seems endless ). When you do that, step by step, by falling, crying but always getting up, someday you’ll look back and you’ll have reached a whole new level, you’ll be able to tell your mom ” look I did it!”

I do pray that she will someday admit her mistakes ( parents are humans after all )and will accept to seek help from a therapist or even join you in the process and that all of these events will become memories from the past. It is never too late to start and live a hapy life!

Oh and if you’re still looking into losing weight or shaping your form, pilates and cardio exercises. Do this for yourself, not for others, and no matter what shape you are of personality you have, you are beautiful as you are and you have the right to bloom! So bloom dear and keep us updated of your progress! You are never alone.

Dear pikachumew2:

I like very much what you wrote here in your last post:
1) It (what she went through)… is no excuse”
2) She will never admit to her wrong doing.”
3) Closing the door (is) …the best option.”

Please adhere to these realistic convictions!

anita

Dear pikachumew2:

Again, you are my hero! I like you very much. Please post anytime and very best wishes to you, you deserve a good life: people who will treat you as the highly valuable, principled, realistic, strong young woman that you are!

anita

Dear pikachumew2:

You are only 17. I am 54 and yes, you are my hero: you are consistent in your views and values, you don’t give up your views or values because of others’ input, you are not a follower. You hold on to your view and value that abusing another is wrong and that the fact that the abuser has suffered or is under stress is no excuse for abusing one’s child.

After some comments on your thread expressing some … sick (in my mind) understanding of your mother, you responded repeatedly (on both threads) that her having had a rough childhood is not an excuse.

You have a clarity of mind that is uncommon to people of ANY AGE. So, yes, you are my hero.

In a home-of-torture where you live, there you are, a rare treasure.

Regarding messaging on this site- I am not familiar with a way. There is a “public message” thing. I am not skillful at such things. If you would like me to email you on a private email, I can do that. Have done it before. It is up to you. These threads here can go on and on and sometimes they do for months. We can communicate here, or if you leave me your email, I will write you there.

Best to You!!!
anita