Dear shellybells:

Part of you knows reality and part of you does not reality and is holding on- desperately- to delusion. Your “rational mind” knows the truth, and you expressed it in your post. Your “emotional mind” does not want to cooperate with your rational mind and is holding on to a deluded version of reality. Your misery is fueled by this conflict.

To examine reality you need to examine what is fueling your distorted view of reality.

What is real? The man does not love you. What part of you believes: The man loves you. What is real: he disrespects you. What part of you believe: shellybells deserves disrespect so he is not doing anything wrong, i get what i have coming to me. Reality: you need to be loved. You can’t get it from him. He is a loving person. What part of you believe: shellybells can TURN this unavailable source of love to an available source of love, shellybells can tap a rock and get water out of it.

anita

It sounds like you have dodged a bullet by getting out of this abusive situation. As Anita said, he’s not a loving person and not in a place to be in a relationship with you. Even though it is hard and painful, just know that with time, being away from him does get easier. For now a few practical tips to help:
1. Cut off contact with him. This mean responding to his contact or initiating contact. This will help you heal faster.
2. Find a friend that you can call if you feel the need to talk or contact him.
3. Focus forward by joining groups (such as meetup.com) and finding new friends who have similar interests to you.
4. Surround yourself with a positive supportive group of friends who can help you though this tough time.
5. Focus on yourself and determining why you were willing to be in this type of a relationship with someone who is verbally abusive. If you don’t figure this out, you are likely to repeat history and attract another man who is the same as your ex. Get a therapist or a coach or some type of professional to assist you through this process.

Best of luck!
~Jodi