Content with life, but haven't lived it yet?

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This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 3 months ago by Saiisha.

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August 3, 2015 at 8:41 pm #81176
Karla
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Hello, well to start off this perplexing rant I wanted to emphhasis the fact that I am pretty young. Anyway let’s start: I have hard a very turbulent and choatic past where I’ve had various not so great experiences.So naturally of course I early on in life had a few mental instabilites resulting from the trauma. Let’s not get too into that since I’m not really looking for a pity party, but basically just recently(as in the last 2 years) I’ve started changing my life and myself in more positive ways. I realized many things that I never did before that, let me just say, are pretty life changing and normally people don’t realize until their later years of life. For example I really grasped the severity of human life; what I mean is that I truly learned how valuable and precious it truly is. I’ve also found my meaning in a way because I realized that I want to dedicate my life to helping others.

I’ve realized all of these(and more) major life changing things and I really couldn’t feel happier. For once in my life I have found the calm place in my life away from all of my pasts chaos and now I truly feel fullfilled. And, believe me these revealations did not come easy. I had a period in my life like I have previously mentioned that in fact did scar me quite a bit to the extent where I could absolutely tell you that I infact HATED humanity and was disgusted to be a part of it. But as fate would have it my life changed thanks to a wonderful experience and I realized my love for humanity and my desire to help protect those precious lives.

Now here is the point of this whole post: Even though I am truly grateful for this time of peace it scares me. Never in my life have I felt so happy and at peace than now. Even my “luck” has changed to where I have gotten many amazing oppurtunities. I’m scared nonetheless because I feel like all of this happiness will come crashing down. And aside from that my biggest concern is that: I feel so utterly at peace with myself and life(thanks to finding those answers) that in a way I feel like spiritually I am complete(satisfied). That scares me because I feel like I am going to be one of those people that will die early. This feeling is what really scares me.

So what do you guys think is it irrationality? Or something more? Remember I am young so this kind of thought process is, well as far as I know, not normal according to my age group.
- This topic was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Karla.
August 4, 2015 at 2:32 am #81185

Matic
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Hey.

First off I want to congratulate you on your amazing transformation. 🙂

Secondly…

I have to give you some of my backstory but I will try to not be long. About 6 months ago me and my gf of 4 years broke up. In retrospect I see it was a toxic relationship for me at least, and so it left me heartbroken, with no self-esteem and feeling unworthy of life.

I also had an amazing transformation in these 6 months and I am a completely different person. Very happy, very confident and the most inportant part: Finally worthy of someone else´s love.

Here is the important part for you. In these 6 months I hit many points in which I said: I am happy. In hindsight I see I was not trully happy and that I still had lots of space for improvement, and improve I did. Also life threw some curve balls at me which caught me off guard. What I am trying to say is that life is unpredictable to say the least, and there will always be situations that will challenge you to your very core.

This might seem like I am saying: You should feel scared. I am actually saying quite the opposite. There will be challenges nad your current hot streak might end some day and you might find yourself in a hole, but dont forget that you have done it once and you will be much better prepared to fight your way out of it. Also every whole you climb out of you will find yourself more fullfiled and happier.

Remember: You dont value good weather if has been sunny for two weeks straight. There have to be some rainy days so you can value the sunshine. Just take note the next time there is a sunny streak.

Hope this helps at least a bit.
Have fun!
Matic

August 4, 2015 at 9:35 am #81207

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Karla:

You asked if your fears are irrationality or something more. I vote for the latter: something more. You fear that you being in peace means you will die early. I would like to examine this fear:

In the second line of your post you wrote: “I have hard a very turbulent and choatic past.” Turbulant and chaotic is the opposite of your present “I feel so utterly at peace” experience. You must have gotten used to “turbulent and chaotic”- you must have, that is what the human psyche does: make the turbulent and chaotic as tolerable as possible, no matter what twisted ways of thinking and believing it takes. Those thoughts and beliefs making your turbulent and chatic past tolerable, thoughts and beliefs that made it possible for you to survive the past, are the thoughts and beliefs that make you anxious about the peaceful present.

For example, in the turbulent and chaotic past you couldn’t predict the future and that made you fearful, so you got in the habit of predicting disaster. That made you relatively safe, as safe as you can get in those circumstances. Disaster happened (again)? That is not so bad because I knew it was going to happen, no surprise. Less fear that way.

Now in a peaceful life, you are still expecting disaster (it worked well enough and FIT the past circumstances)- but now it is not helpful because life in this new reality is way less chaotic than it was. So you have the same thoughts and beliefs (The-sky-will fall down…) as before.

anita

August 4, 2015 at 12:29 pm #81230

Saiisha
Participant

Hi Karla, just adding my 2 cents here…
Life’s ups and downs are very normal. You will have highs and you will have lows. When they’re balanced is when you probably feel peaceful. Here’s the trick: not to be worried that the lows are coming, and not to get sky-high when the highs come, but to be able to react in a balanced way no matter what comes. That’s what we learn as we evolve spiritually – to not react to life’s extremes, but to take them in stride.

See if you can look forward to your next lows so you can practice balancing 🙂
(That type of a person is called a Sthithaprajna in Sanskrit – http://www.nestintheforest.com/sthithaprajna/)

Life is about learning. You might as well try to enjoy it while you’re at it!
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