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Don't know what to do about mean sister

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  • July 28, 2015 at 8:38 am #80636
    Leanne
    Participant

    Hi

    So I have had a bunch of issues with my sister that have bothered me the past bit like her boyfriend basically moving in with no notice, no rent and just always being at the family house when he does have his own house that he never goes to even though his family is very nice and he pays rent there. A few other things would be the way she treats everyone, she is not very kind even towards her boyfriend which when they fight she punches and kicks him, yells and screams at him calling him an idiot. My boyfriend and I mind our own business when we are together(I see him twice a week), yet my sister has now found she wants to attack him and I because of a very silly reason(in my opinion), he doesn’t yell hi at the front door. Shes making claims that she feels uncomfortable getting out of the shower while my boyfriend is with me in the house because he doesn’t say hi, she says its f–ing rude and f–ing disrespectful to her. Now that I have stood up for myself about it and such she doesn’t even notice the things I still do for her. My other sister and I picked her up at 2:30am from a party and to others it was only my other sister who got mentioned and thanked. I would like to just say that her boyfriend living at our house was disturbing my parents and my other sister as well. Anyway I just want to stop getting frustrated being near them, I want to go about my life and not be emotionally disrupted by my sister, its been bothering me more than I would like to admit. I’m not about to go changing her behavior in anyway I just want to change mine in how I deal with the situation. Any advice please?

    Thanks for reading sorry about the long post 🙂

    July 28, 2015 at 9:22 am #80641
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Leanne:

    So you live full time with your parents, two sisters and now one of your sister’s boyfriend? All in the same family house? If so, how big is the house, in what proximity is everyone?

    On the “Hi I am here” notice that sister wants from your boyfriend, if I was you, I would have my bf say that Hi-I-am-here notice. Not much of a drain to announce oneself, so why not?

    As far as the other sister being thanked and not you- is there a ganging against you in this family? Where you are ignored while others get the positive attention?

    And about your bullying sister, punching and kicking and yelling… you want to change your behavior you state, not intending to change hers- well, in a bullying/ abusive situation like this you either go to war or you “disappear” – shrink your existence to the smallest possible, minimize your footprint around the house, being as invisible as you can so not to step on bullying sister’s toes. A third option would be to move out, if you can.

    What about the three options I mentioned appeals to you, if any? Which of the options did you try and how did it make you feel? Is there another or other options?

    anita

    July 28, 2015 at 7:27 pm #80695
    Leanne
    Participant

    Well I am trying not to deal with her in anyway possible. My boyfriend has social anxiety(which I should have mentioned) it’s harder than just saying hi, he has been trying but its really not easy. Besides I don’t really think its any of her business whether he does or not but she yells about the fact that he has to which in my opinion is ridiculous(I suppose I am quite protective of him, and her going after it as mean as she did, did not help matters). She isn’t abusive towards me just her boyfriend. She yells at everyone in the house though if she does not get her way and if she does start to yell she can get physically violent. To everyone else in my house it is not an issue whether my boyfriend says hi to anyone there. Everyone is in relatively close proximity in the house. Me and my other sister are quite close, the one that is quite mean just doesn’t like me because as I said she hasn’t gotten her way. It’s slightly hard to explain on here because there is so much she has done that is not very nice. I have only stood up to her about this, she has yelled at me for many many other things and I have given up because hey it doesn’t matter too much that other stuff but her going after my boyfriend isn’t okay with me but she won’t leave it. Honestly she isn’t very nice to my parents that do a lot for her either, they pay for her tuition, a car for her(that’s supposed to be shared but she gets mad when anyone else tries to use it). She literally is mean to everyone in the house, its just one more thing to yell about but I don’t wanna hear about it or be bugged by it anymore I just wanna go about my own business without her protruding.

    July 28, 2015 at 8:01 pm #80707
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Leanne:

    it is unfortunate for you that you have a bully for a sister and she is abusive to you, yelling at you counts as abusive. If your boyfriend has such anxiety that it is difficult for him to announce himself present in the house, can you announce his presence: “(Name) is here!” I think it may be fair only if she is indeed in the bathroom and needs to know a man is in the house. If she is trying to give him a hard time, to make him suffer knowing it is difficult for him to say Hi and because of that she wants him to, then she is more cruel than otherwise cruel. She is a bully, she abuses others to get her way. She wants to win and you (anyone) to lose. For her to win, it means that the other has to lose. Win- win relationships or interactions is not her style and that is very, very unfortunate to all who have to LOSE as the price to pay for interacting with her. If you have to live in the same house with her, then minimizing interactions is the way to go, but it is not a good situation to live with anyway you go about it.
    anita

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