Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Beating yourself up
- This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 5 months ago by Bethany Rosselit.
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June 22, 2015 at 12:10 pm #78646AnonymousInactive
How do you prevent from being hard on yourself, and from self deprecation? Today I’m feeling a lot more confident, more self-assured and assertive without really trying by being just a little pragmatic.
June 22, 2015 at 12:51 pm #78668MattParticipantCharles,
Without more specific information about the nature of the deprication you’re experiencing, I’ll have to stay really archetypal. Consider first that pain isn’t a punishment, its there to make us alert. Next, consider how the thorns on a rosebush aren’t there to punish us, they’re there to bring pain when we don’t interact skillfully with it. Deprication usually stems from a misunderstanding of one of these two points. Either we feel pain, and become agitated with ourselves for feeling pain, or we are pricked by a thorn and feel that the rose is rejecting us somehow. With these false beliefs in place, we become confused and fault ourselves or others for our ignorant actions instead of accepting the lesson and learning.
With warmth,
MattJune 22, 2015 at 2:14 pm #78674Rock BananaParticipantYou notice how when you weren’t really trying, you felt a bit better. The first thing to do is to stop trying to think positively about yourself. It’s as pointless as thinking negatively about yourself. Just come to realize that nothing you say about yourself will ever, ever be who you actually are. When you notice thinking about yourself (positive or negative), just let it be, and know it isn’t you.
June 22, 2015 at 6:45 pm #78686AnonymousInactiveI was simply asking what you do to keep your spirits high. Don’t go making a mountain out of a molehill.
June 23, 2015 at 3:04 am #78699Rock BananaParticipantThat’s what I do, Charles. I revise my philosophy as deeply as I can. To be honest I have been very happy for years now, because all the underlying philosophies and perspectives have been shifted. When I do want a ‘quick fix’ I will quickly count 10 or 20 things I’m grateful for right now (when you do it, it could be anything from ‘the air I’m breathing now’ to ‘successfully completing the marathon yesterday’), I may ask myself if I really, absolutely know my beliefs in that moment are true (and dispute them in the cognitive behavioural therapy / rational emotive behavioural therapy sense) and I might also meditate and come back to what is really happening now – direct sensations such as my breath, what I can see, hear, feel etc. and come away from being lost in thought. It all depends on what I’m experiencing. Often the best thing to do is just be mindful, experience it without judging it, to let it be without labelling it.
You say “don’t make a mountain out of a molehill”, Charles, but if you change the mountain, you’ll stop seeing those molehills.
June 28, 2015 at 6:50 am #78925Bethany RosselitParticipantI would actually advise you to change your perception here. When something triggers the thoughts that cause you to beat up on yourself, that is an opportunity to redefine them, so that you can feel more confident, more often. When you notice that you are beating up on yourself, calm down and ask yourself WHY. Question your thoughts, and question whether they should be true. Then think of other possibilities, so that you can redefine those thoughts.
A trigger can be a gift that you have to open very carefully. And it’s a gift that will lead to more moments of peace and confidence.
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