I will try to keep this short. Ok, I am 35, married and have 3 children. 3 years ago my brother became violent and paranoid due to mental health issues he had. He caused alot of people fear and pain. One time he hit my husband infront of our children, then came to us begging for forgiveness, only to a year chase me into a police station where I ran for help and he tried to do the same to me. He was arrested, cautioned and he has stayed away from me since. Since that day I won’t let him back in our lives and my family really resent me for it. I have struggled to have a relationship with my mum since, it’s been very hot and cold from her. My sister took my brothers ‘side’ and made my life a misery the 2 years after what he did. She resented me for not forgiving him, for not letting him back into my life and she thinks I broke up the family by staying away from him. She said he was ill and I should have let him back into my life. I tried to explain to my family that I did let him back in after he hurt my husband and frightened my children, a year later he tried to do it again. Since that day I suffered anxiety, ocd and agoraphobia. I struggled to leave my home for a year, it was tough. It robbed me of my life and I had no support from my family. My mum didn’t want to know that I was unwell, my sisters made fun of my condition, it was a hellish time for me. My friends told me I did the right thing. My own Father, Gran and Aunties told me I did the right thing, they cut them out too as they said the abuse and drama was just too much. They have told me since I walked away things have been tough for me but I am now a happier person so I know I did the right thing.

I am now in a good place, my anxiety is still there but more manageable and life has been good. I don’t miss my family, I have moved on and put it all behind me. My sister gets married in August and my mum this year has put alot of pressure on me to forgive and forget my sister hurt me and to come to the wedding. Now my sister caused me alot of pain. She has always been a very difficult, and hot headed person that even abused our mother in the past, physically. She made my life difficult and caused me many panic attacks. She would message me abuse saying I had to forgive my brother and let him in my life or she would make sure I had no family…. it was just awful. Last year I completely blocked her from my life and since then my anxiety has reduced significantly and I am happier than ever. It’s strange that these bad things happened, and I was unwell but now i feel I am a much better and happier person. Until last week I was strong, stood my ground with my mothers demands that I came to my sisters wedding, but then last week my mum cut me off. She said my sister would never apologise even though she did do wrong by me. She said I just had to accept that and forget it all and come to the wedding. I said I didn’t feel the need to go to my sisters wedding, after years of hurt and abusive messages I really don’t want to go, nor do my family. My mum has always said she wouldn’t take sides, she promised to stay neutral and recently she had asked me to let her back into my life and this year we had started to rebuild our relationship. The problem is my sister is very controlling of my mum, my mum sees her 7 days a week and her children. My sister has told my mum to stay away from me and my mum is now doing as she says. She has cut me off because I won’t just sweep what my sister did under the carpet. She says ‘hell will freeze over before she apologises to you’. I said that’s fine, I don’t need an apology. If she is upset I’m not going to the wedding then I am sorry but I can’t change that, she could have by now apologised to me and changed her behavior but she hasn’t and I have to protect myself. When I was unwell my children had to do without holidays, we never really went out at the weekends and they saw their mum a nervous wreck. I won’t risk myself ever being like that again, my childrens happiness and my own has to come first. My husband backs me up 100%, he said my family were toxic, as did my GP. My GP said my anxiety stems from my family and the way they are so abusive and aggressive, but they have always been that way so I guess I thought it was normal, until what happened a few years ago and I realised you don’t have to put up with this, you have a life to live. I woke up and since then I am quite spiritual, I practice yoga, I became a vegetarian… I am so happy now. I truly am.

So the main reason I posted is, why am I suddenly feeling so weak and hurt? I fear I will have an anxiety relapse because of my mum cutting me and my children out of her life. I am shocked she has done this. I am disappointed and I guess angry with her and I don’t like feeling like this. I am so hurt she cut me out just like that, we didn’t even have a cross word. She just can’t accept that I won’t forget what my sister did and come to the wedding. She has blocked out her grandchildren, she hasn’t once tried to call or see them, she hasn’t seen them in 4 weeks. It hurts and my anxiety is rife because of it. I have tried to just accept it and think well if my mum feels this is what she has to do then I accept it but I can’t. I spend every day upset she hasn’t called, upset she has cut our my children. It hurts she has cut me out, yet she has never stopped speaking to my brother and sister who caused all of this. That is what hurts the most i think.

I have been reading The Untethered Soul which has helped a little about not closing up, keeping open and letting this pass but does anyone have any other advice or books they’d recommend to deal with this pain and hurt?

I am so sorry this got long. It’s quite a lengthly story so I do apologise.

Thank you if you got this far.

J