Ok so this may be a long one SORRY!
A long time ago I was in an abusive relationship emotionally and physically!
It was awful and I turned to drugs really to make me forget how deeply sad I was, that being said I did hideous things to people that love me I was made to believe none of them cared for me and I guess that made it easier to do bad things like steal money etc and everything you. Can think of. Anyway that was years ago I am a completely different person and since then my relationships have all been equally awful with one threatening my life. My brother is marrying a woman he met online and HER brother was in a relationship with a girl that cheated on him, took his child and made up vicious lies to ruin him, we started talking last year and hit it off, to say I’ve been there for him is an understatement but he’s like nobody I’ve ever met! His other brother and girlfriend liked me but when he moved out with me they started some weird hate campaign to which I did not retaliate and all his family ended up not really speaking to him. Which messed him up badly because he just wanted to be happy after all his trauma. I went through a hell of a lot feeling like they all blamed me for him movin out etc and things were said to em and about me that were nasty! I stayed with him, he is the love of my life but even after they sorted it all out and his brother and sister moved away (thank god) I still feel unliked, I was good friends with my brother gf until I started seeing her brother. Things changed, and obviously because of the things I did in the past I feel she and that family judge me on that. I just am really tired, emotionally. I have tried so hard and I never feel like his mum really likes me after all the things I’ve done for him and looked after him in his darkest hour. I feel totally out of the loop. Even if I’m around his sister and her friends and that I feel like the odd one out. It’s hard enough that I have taken on his little girl and everyone still sees it as her and him and then me separate. I just feel totally sad, I make loads of effort to be nice and do things but it’s like I’m just here, and they want my partner but not me. Even my brother who I know loves me makes no effort with me. I suffer from a condition and the neuralgia makes me sad as it is but I just feel like a nobody. They tell me what I should be doing with my life sometimes and I think they think my partner supports me financially which is not true.
I don’t relie on anybody, I just feel this deep anger that my brothers golden boy and I’m just someone who’s there sometimes. I am really fed up and unhappy. I feel like a separate person a lot and I feel I deserve a good relationship now but how can I be happy?
I just don’t know what to do I argue with his sister and we’ve all had a row last year. I don’t want to make anymore effort because I feel I should be liked now for me but it’s like o switch to autopilot and say yes to everything and all that. I am really struggling now because I know my partner loves his family and eventually we’ll break up no matter what he says because they have some sort of hold there.
I am really down .. Please help me