Lost,

It sounds to me like you do know your feelings, but perhaps there are just a lot of other forces pushing and pulling on those feelings. Consider: it is only a party if all the people involved are enjoying the dance. If she is pushing you to commit more than you’re ready, its your job to honor your desire by putting on the breaks. You can do it gently, such as asking her to slow down while you get your bearings. Or, more forcefully, such as taking a break from the relationship, and then stretching your wings a little to see what you want to do from there.

A good guideline is: if you aren’t comfortable with something, step back and take a breath. Or 50. With some troubled history behind you, and social pressures confounding your sexuality, it makes sense that you need time to figure out what you want. Lots of voices saying “do this, do that”, but what do you want to do? That’s the voice that needs space to sing out. If your partner can understand that and give you some space to get your bearings, great! If not, get your bearings anyway. She’s not your boss, or parent. And you deserve to be far more than someone else’s escape plan!

With warmth,
Matt

Lost,

I didn’t mean to imply her side doesn’t have feelings, how would I know that? Consider, she is planning out a new phase in her life with you in it, and is perhaps excited enough to be free that she might unintentionally overlook your hesitation and need for space. Like, her desire to be free might blind her a little to your side of things, so speak up!

With warmth,
Matt