Am i too demanding?

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 1 month ago by Aida.

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March 4, 2015 at 1:10 pm #73531

Yue
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Hi Aida,

I think you said it best in one of your sentences, in that you don’t want to be some kind of service that visits him every week. The think about pot smoking is that it kills a motivation to do anything else and if someone is too lazy to take you out in dates or to visit you at home then you have to wonder what kind of commitment does he show for the relationship.

For the time being, go with the no contact rule and delete all his details. Don’t think about whether you will have another relationship and focus on yourself instead. Whether it is exec revising, studying or take up a new hobby, do something that enriches your life and you will find that you don’t need the validation of another to put a smile on your face.

March 5, 2015 at 3:22 am #73566

Will
Participant

Aida, I’m not sure what you should do, but it sure sounds like he’s not the right guy for you. You feel like he’s not putting any effort into having a relationship with you. Of course you feel bad now, you’re going through a breakup and he’s trying to manipulate you into staying.

Don’t stay with a layabout dope-head who can’t be bothered to make any effort for you simply because you fear to be alone. Meeting more people will be easier once you’re not tied to him.

You’re going to be all right. Just because you love him doesn’t mean you should be his … (you know).

March 5, 2015 at 4:06 am #73568

Aida
Participant

Thank you very much for responding! I know you are both right. The other thing which makes me more unsure about this situation is that I’m a foreigner (im from Italy) and he was the first person i met in US. I have work here and I know some people but they are not my close friends… I had even some admirers 😉 but i made them leave me alone because of my boyfriend who anyway isn’t even jealous.. I also told him for me it was strange and he responded me that this tipe of craziness was tipical for Italy.. In general many times he was saying some stupid stuff about my country, trying to excuse his behaviour with differences between our cultures (he is Caribbean).

It’s more difficult because I feel alone in foreign country. But I know I should be strong.

March 5, 2015 at 6:06 am #73573
Maggie Black
Participant
He sounds like he has no motivation whatsoever and you will tire of this.
Men need to show some manliness in their lives by doing things!
Treating you well is one of them and he has fallen way short.
Whatever his problem is, it isn’t yours and I seriously hope you do not get further involved in this.
I have been in situations like this and looking back I can see now that it was because I was doing all the work in the
relationship is why there was one at all.
Do yourself a favor and exit this immediately. Your self esteem will continue to drop and will lead to you getting into unhealthy relationships.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Maggie Black.
March 5, 2015 at 6:21 am #73575

Jodi
Participant

The question to ask yourself is not if you are too demanding, but rather does this man share the same values and is he on the same life path as you? His chosen lifestyle is not “wrong” but it doesn’t sound like it fits with the life you want for yourself. If this is true, the kindest and most loving thing you can do is release both of you to find others who will want the same lifestyle and share the same values without feeling the need to change the other.

Best of luck to you!

~Jodi

March 5, 2015 at 2:48 pm #73602

Aida
Participant

Thank you again. You are totally right. We are very different, im an energetic person and he always want to smoke and lie down… Its so difficult for me but I hope I will handle it.
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