Hello all. I have learned so, so much this last year or so and while I am still hard at work on my journey and likely still occasionally setting bad examples for my children to follow, I desperately want to pass along to my young children (5, 7 and 9) some of the wisdom that I have learned so far. I keep thinking that if my parents or some other authority figure had explained some things to me when I was much younger, maybe I could have avoided some of the pain I have felt in my life.

My oldest son struggles with strong emotions, outbursts, defiance and a sense of unfairness in many of the situations he is involved in (the unfairness always being directed at him of course…and yes, I know that this is fairly natural in children). I had recently put steps in place to get him some professional help, and because of unusual circumstances with the assistance group through my workplace, I ended up having 3 preliminary meetings, alone without my son present. In each of these meetings I basically got the same type of information. Children learn so much through what they witness from our own behaviour, modeling and attitudes expressed.

I came away from each of the meetings feeling shame for my possible role in my son’s behaviour because of the way he has been brought up so far (I’m sure that my husband and I have sent him the message that his emotions are not ok). He’s 9 and I know I have made mistakes but I also know I have done other things right and with new knowledge I want to prevent further mistakes in the future. Anyway, it left me wondering if there was any point in looking for help for him when maybe it is my husband and I who need to change our behaviour.

My son has had about 5 hours of exposure to informal, private mindfulness classes with a good friend of mine, a summers worth of weekly meditation meetings with an otherwise all adult group that he attended with me (he seemed to really enjoy it) and exposure to yoga classes with me as well.

What I want to know, is what else can I do with him/expose him to? And how can I best teach him, (and his siblings), some of the lessons that I have learned about how to accept others as they are, limit personal expectations and delusions of control over others, how to honour feelings and the authentic self and how to recognize that many of the thoughts of the brain are just stories?

I remember my own Dad getting into long monologues about money and while I didn’t appreciate his efforts enough back then, I do now…but I want to know how to pass along important learning to my kids now in a way that doesn’t come across as a boring monologue. Then again, now that I remember those monologues and I know that now I do appreciate them, perhaps there is hope that my own children will remember what I say…

Anyway, if anyone has any other ideas or advice, I would love to hear it.

Thanks.