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I love a women who can't love herself

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  • February 19, 2015 at 11:51 am #73016
    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    We have an amazing chemistry together and make a perfect pair. We spend every weekend together and share an amazing time. Due to a traumatic experience( A Past relationship a couple years ago) in her life she is unable to “feel” love for herself for friends and people the way she used to feel before this event. She would like nothing more than to feel that again. We are friends but not really because in the sense that she wants to be with me but when she feels ready. She has a big fear that she cannot give her heart away at this moment. She is a nice and sweet girl with a good heart. We both have been through a lot in our lives. She tells me that I am perfect and that “If she could choose” that she would be with me for good. I will not give up on her and we have agreed to have me and of course herself try to break this “closed heart” and she wants to let things happen naturally and to go with the flow of things. She wants to keep me close and continue to spend time with each other like usual. My question to you is how do I help someone love themselves…. What could I do to be a good man and make her feel ready for something more when the time is right?

    February 19, 2015 at 12:43 pm #73021
    Paula
    Participant

    Ctorres626,

    Honor her process. When she says she needs space – give her space. When she desires to be close – be close. Go slow. Go with the flow. Be responsive to her and her needs. At the same time, constantly check in with yourself. How do you feel about this? Does this feel good for you to move in this direction with her? A good man helping her is only helpful so long as he genuinely desires to do so. And it sounds like you do. Keep a close eye on that and ensure that you’re always coming from that space and caring for yourself in the process.

    I think most importantly, continue to enjoy yourself with her and ensure she enjoys herself with you. A man can do a lot for a woman by ensuring that she feels great in his presence.

    Hope that helps!

    Many blessings,
    Paula

    February 19, 2015 at 1:09 pm #73023
    Yue
    Participant

    Hey there,

    I agree with Heart in that the most important thing to consider is how do you feel about this? One of the things with people is that once the relationship is defined, it can be difficult to change the dynamic so even when her heart becomes open, she maybe too comfortable in your existing relationship to risk a romance.

    Self love as the term indicates starts with ourselves. Most people have experienced pain in our lives and the journey of going from trauma to healing is a personal one. Though friends and family can be a comfort, it can also hold us back from moving on by being the sympathetic ear. Sometimes a heart needs to break before it opens and being the man in the relationship, you can try to encourage her to move forward rather than taking the safe road of being her friend. Again this comes down to what you want in the relationship because encouraging her to move forward means you are challenging her comfort zone and risk loosing what you have with her. Sadly there is no middle road because without friction there can be no heat. We are attracted to people who challenge us so we can be better rather than someone who enables our weakness.

    An easy way to see whether this is the case is to think about how often have you two argued. If it is something that occurred rarely (or never), it means that you are in the friend zone.

    February 19, 2015 at 1:12 pm #73024
    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Heartdrivenlife,

    Thank you so much for your kind words! They are a inspiration to me! To be honest what I feel about moving in this direction is that in the end it will all be worth it! As a human being though I have my doubts sometimes and think in a place of insecurity. At the moment my feelings for her are from a different feeling. Hers at this moment is only of friendship because that is all she can feel due to her situation of “feeling”. She knows my intentions, my feeling, and she realizes the effort I am putting towards her. I guess the only thing scary to me is not necessarily how long it will take. But this idea that has been put out there that when she is ready that it will be for me. I seem to think that as a man continuing to have fun with her, going with the flow and the way our “relationship” is now that the answer is obviously yes because how could she not with our tight bond that is very special to her and me.

    -Carlos

    February 19, 2015 at 1:18 pm #73025
    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Yue

    I challenge her all the time, I am American and she is Brazilian. I moved to Brazil last year so our cultures and different backgrounds causes us to argue and it is crazy sometimes. She is also a “friend” that is very jealous with me. That in itself causes arguments when she becomes insecure and accuses me of going out with other girls and certain situations… it almost seems like a relationship without the physical part because she is not ready for that. Although we do get close to each other, hold hands, pet names, talk a lot and stuff except kiss. That is something so difficult and I have attempted.

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