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feeling so stuck and trapped, Help!

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  • January 23, 2015 at 10:54 am #71829
    Emma
    Participant

    Hello everyone,
    I am here to hopefully get some advice and support. I am 25 years old and completely lost…I have come to that all big crossroad at 25 which I was dreading for a long time cuz my life is all messed up, mainly cuz I made it that way. I am having this empty life and I don’t have any goals for the future, I don’t know what I want, I know what I don’t want. I feel like life is pasing me by, I am wasting it cuz I can’t make a decision for my future, I always had a hard time making decisions, but I sure made a lot of poor choices in the past.

    After high school I really didn’t had any idea what I want to study and I lacked ambition, I made a lot of mistakes back then which are now haunting me. So I feel like I compeltly wasted this past 7 years doing nothing meaningful with my life, sure I did work, changed several jobs and I disliked each one. I am at very difficult place, I am a person who is way too hard on herself, I am punishing myself and unable to forgive myself my errors, like I wasn’t the same person 7 years ago… damn it. Time is passing me by, I am stressed out, every day I wake up feeling unhappy and now depressed.

    I became this very unsure person, full of fears, I fear life which for me is a sin. Like, I avoided life for a long time and its all coming back to me. Also I cannot except myself for what I am, spent my life running from myself instead facing it all. Funny thing is, I read all this self help books, went to some seminars, read this and that and I am still stuck and trapped.

    I am going back to school, I want to get my diploma, so I am choosing a course right now, trying to figure out what I want but I am so unsure, my God. Being at this crossroad, I feel like I am being bombarded, my past lives in me, I am haunted by my mistakes and regrets and on top I am unsure about every step I make, just dreading the future… I am sick and tired of wasting life, but not choosing, obviously I am choosing and I am not contempt with that choice. How to sort it all so I can have a full life…

    Thank you all for reading my long post, best to all of you.

    January 23, 2015 at 2:20 pm #71835
    pink24
    Participant

    Sounds about right at 25. I think the twenties are just the hardest years. It’s like you have all these ideas, no money, and life just seems like this huge thing to overcome. But it isn’t. I’m 37. I totally get where you are. But you’re definitely WAY hard on yourself, girl. Be happy that you’re twenty-five. It feels old probably because you’re the oldest person everywhere you go, like school, but it’s really not old. Sounds cliche, but you have your whole life ahead of you. You can do whatever you want. And you’re supposed to make mistakes, that’s how you learn.And even if you don’t think you’re learning and changing and growing, you are. Just from reading your post, you have an awareness. That’s huge.

    When I was your age (*eyeroll*, I know) it was right around 9/11. I remember working in a cubicle in New York and watching those planes crash into the WTC. It completely took me. And up until that point i was feeling the way you are feeling. But after that, it’s like I woke up. Nothing matters anymore after something like that, except your happiness. So i did ‘me’, you know? I quit my full time job, got some temp work, backpacked through Europe, lived in sketchy apartments, all the stuff I wanted to do that wasn’t exactly what people thought I should be doing. I followed my gut. And during all of that, I found things that made ME happy. Not anyone else.

    Sometimes we caught up with an idea of what we think happiness looks like. But in reality it’s different for everyone. Your twenties are just for that–finding what makes YOU happy. It’s painful, uncomfortable, but in the end (and there is an end), you’ll find yourself in a completely different place. Just have faith in yourself and believe you are deserving and worthy of everything in life. Yet another cliche, but true…

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by pink24.
    February 7, 2015 at 4:44 pm #72489
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Hi Emma,

    Pink gave you some good advice above.

    Be patient and gentle with yourself !

    And STOP looking back – we cannot change the past !!

    Btw, if your profile pic is actually you – you should consider becoming an ‘eye model’.

    God bless and good luck.

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