What great questions and introspection!
Before I got to the part where he is seriously working on his problem I was ready to tell you to RUN and “don’t look back”.
Now I can only say that if you are in love with him and can’t live without him, you may want to keep the distance from him.

You did mention that you didn’t “feel” the love like he does. (that you are the one)
So you aren’t sure if he is the one. I would do it like this. If you think you have a shot at a good life with him and can love him beyond measure then give it some time.
If you weren’t that happy before, with him, then maybe just let him work his anger issues out on his own and then you two could try again.

Honestly, it scares me that he treated you so poorly that you had to call your dad. This incident is going to forever color your family’s view of him.
That is just how our parents are! Highly protective.

The main thing is how you feel about him.
Your last paragraph is telling in that you are looking at it from your reaction to him and his desire to change. You are asking, “Is it so wrong to give him another chance?” And here is the one that really makes me want to ask you to THINK about your motives for giving him another chance:
“but I feel almost cruel to end things when I honestly believe that this time he truly desires to change and make himself better ”
OK I understand. You want to be giving and forgiving and give him a chance. But why are you giving him this chance (if you do)?
Is it because you want to have a good solid relationship with him? Or to show how understanding you are.

You just never said that you loved him beyond your wildest dreams and that is what I would like to know.

This situation seems very similar to my own, but I was the “angry guy” who didn’t seek help until after nearly two decades of marriage and believe me, it was not fun for anyone. My wonderful and remarkable wife is now contemplating my “second chance” but there are now children involved so it’s a bit more complex and there is alot of healing to do all around. My wife seems to have a similar outlook to yours and stayed for as long as she did because she kept holding out hope for me to change. I only realized my issues about a year ago and I am now healing but alot of damage was done to our marriage and we both feel like we are in spot we never dreamed, in our worst nightmare, we would be in.

I would say he needs time to heal, and if his personal issues are anything like mine, he may not know what true, healthy love is and so may not love you in the way you deserve to be loved as a significant other.

You should believe in his ability to change, support it, and encourage it, because if he doesn’t change, he will possibly never a healthy relationship with anyone. (You could tell him about a great website that is really helping me. It’s called “Tiny Buddha”.) However, I think Maggie Black pretty much nailed it. It seems from your own words that you are not a strong match, and so I would not continue the relationship beyond a good friendship.

If, after he has healed and is capable of truly loving someone, and you both still feel an attraction, you can always pursue it then. But, I would give it a couple of years.

Be strong!