Hi Steve

You want Love…still ur in that state…so only your attracting wrong people…be the love u seek… ur ideal girl will be present in no time…
Its good to be a good man… that you are !!
but dont seek validation for ur Goodness..
ur already worthy…know that.

🙂 I can’t help but smile while I was reading this post. No offense meant to you, Steve. Reading through it, I saw myself. I used to ask the same questions, perhaps even more – what’s wrong with me? Don’t I deserve to be loved and be with someone? Is there nobody for me out there?

I believe I am a good person. I know I am honest. I know that I have a good heart and I was raised to be a good woman. As much as possible, I keep away from hurting other people, even to the extent of sacrificing how I feel just so I could spare them from possible hurt feelings. I may not the best, but I am also far from being worst. Despite all the sacrifices and my being nice, still it’s a “me against the whole world” thing. Here I am, still alone, only wanted when friends need something from me. I do not feel like I am remembered or regarded by them, the way I do for them. I may not be miserable but it’s a lonely world when you’re all alone. How I wish I would have someone who would see me in a different way…someone special. But then I realized that if I wallow in that feeling of longing to belong to someone, I might end up losing even my own self. So I decided not to depend my happiness on others, I told myself that I have to be happy even when I am alone and love myself even more so that when someone comes along, I can share love freely because I have loved myself enough. Because I am just human and not perfect, I sometimes waiver and succumb to the loneliness deep within my heart but I always tell myself that I shouldn’t have a weak disposition in life because I will only live once and for that, I should live my life fully. Life gets shorter everyday, so I shouldn’t waste any minute sulking in a corner. I think happy thoughts – sometimes my mind would wander far beyond reality (coz it’s nice there, everything is easy, beautiful, happy, all ideals happen in a fantasy world, right?) but I always bring myself back to reality because this is where I currently am. And being alone is my reality so I should face it and live through it everyday with a smile. 🙂

All I’m saying is, love – always have love because with love in your heart, nothing would go wrong, it would always make you happy. 🙂 Without a date, you can still share love around – your kids, your friends, pets, etc. In God’s own time, in your own time, you’ll find someone who’s meant for you, a someone you will have in your life and who would be happy to have you in her life. Just trust Him. He knows the deepest desires of your heart and when you ask Him, He’ll give it to you. 🙂 Have a good day, Steve!

P.S. Singleness didn’t kill me, I’m sure it won’t kill you too! (just planting a smile on your face :D)

Hi Steve,

I can understand your frustration because every man have been rejected by a woman at some stage in our lives. The truth is, dating is different for men and women in that women are likely to get more attention (especially on the Internet) but they have their own set of challenges to deal with as well. For instance, when was the last time you went on a date and felt physically threatened because you don’t want to sleep with the other person? Or the last time someone lied to you purely to get you in bed and make you feel used the next day? Or becoming pregnant because of a one night stand? Sure rejections sting but they are nothing compare to problems women face when they are romantically involved with someone.

I also agree with Anne, in that instead of looking for a relationship, just meet people and let things develop organically. Dating is supposed to be fun and it puts a lot of pressure on the relationship and yourself if you are always looking for an outcome.

Steve,

There were several reasons I hopped off after such a short time. I never got any really nasty messages, but definitely some where I could tell the guy was just throwing out lines at everyone. Mostly though, I realized I wasn’t ready to be dating. I need some time on my own to feel really ok with being alone. So that the next time I’m in a relationship I don’t repeat the same insecure, anxiety based patterns. I think in the past I put everything into relationships and then get terrified that they will end, so I end up smothering and killing it. While I can’t take 100% responsibility for the end of my relationships, I don’t want to do what I have been doing anymore!! The kicker for me realizing I wasn’t ready for online dating was the fact that I started talking to a guy who was an (self-admitted and pretty apparent) alcoholic, didn’t have a job or license, and was clearly drunk every time we talked. Buttttt I thought we had a “connection” so after just talking to him for a couple days I was already starting to think about him and how it could work. And then one morning after staying up way too late talking to him on the phone, and then getting my feelings a little hurt when he abruptly ended the conversation, I asked myself “why the hell are you doing this??!!” Like, why was I sacrificing my sleep, my happiness, my peace….for someone who clearly did not have his shit together and was really just looking for someone to take care of him and fix him. Ughhh sorry so long, but it’s been quite the self-realizing last couple weeks.

I think the last thing you should do is give up hope, Steve. It’s frustrating for sure, and a little scary as well…but there are so many people out there. And there are a lot of good ones. Just because it hasn’t happened now that you are ready for it to happen does not mean that it won’t when the time is right!! You just have to have faith that the love you have is meant to be shared with someone who deserves it. I like being a part of a couple too. Sharing things with someone who’s your best friend and your lover…it’s awesome. I wonder if part of the reason your attitude has shifted is because you’re finding that it’s not as easy to find someone as maybe you thought it would be when you first signed up on the site? So maybe you’re becoming a little more desperate and serious about it – and, as you said – bitter. I can tell you from my short time on the site, I could spot the guys who were jaded and bitter, and I wanted nothing to do with them. I was looking for someone happy in his own life….because that’s where I’m getting to. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting the dating thing on the back burner for a while…focusing on things that actually do make you happy. Maybe pick up a new hobby, spend time with friends or family you haven’t seen in a while? Orrr….binge watch tv shows. You can do this for FREE by picking stuff up from the library. 😉

Hello Steve-

I have been in your shoes quite a bit concerning online dating. It is like a crap shoot, where the odds aren’t always in your favor. Sure, they look and sound like the perfect catch. Once you actually meet them, then you don’t know what to expect. I met at least three and they didn’t quite work to my advantage. The first few months were amazing but then something makes it come to a halt. This happened to me recently and we had a good relationship for a couple years. She only visited me once but it turned out to be a one night stand. She had no intention of uprooting her life on the east coast to spend it with me. Yet, she had assured me not to worry. Unfortunately, the worse case scenario fell into place. She blocked me from her phone, so that I couldn’t call or text (she had a full time job) That was the first red flag. She felt it might be better to email back and forth. This felt odd, I have a hard time trying to communicate effectively in a situation like that. To make a long story short, she “kicked me to the curb” so to speak. I was blamed for everything from A-Z. My next endeavor, in a dating relationship, I will handle it with an open mind but also protect myself from further pain. I hope what I and the other supporters said helped. Thank you for sharing this. Good luck