Mindful man confused! (Decision making/presence)

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 9 months ago by Elizabeth Wilkens-Plumley.

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November 12, 2014 at 6:11 pm #67737

Drikken
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I’ve recently been reading a lot about decision making, I practice mindfulness throughout my daily life but lately I’ve unfortunately ran into a bit of conflict. When I’m perhaps for example reading an article about mindfulness or watching something on TV my mind tells me to go do something else, it could be a good thing or a bad thing like go mediatate or go learn something else about mindfulness on the internet but then analytically I think this activity is probably more beneficial to me at the present moment. A circumstance in which I keep running over in my head is if I had a problem which only came to light in a particular situation in which I could do absolutely nothing about it and faded once I left the situation and I was supposed to be in the present moment, how could I ever solve the problem as if I allowed a problem I have in the past or future to break the present moment I’d constantly be doing so…I’m sure the answer is simple. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated, thanks.

November 13, 2014 at 5:36 am #67766

Jessa
Participant

Dear Drikken,

I am kind of confused by your question. Is this a hypothetical question? Or do you have a real-life example you could share, that would perhaps make it clearer? Without having a good understanding of your question, this is the best advice I can give you:

If you were in a situation where you noticed a problem, but you were unable to do anything to change your situation or the problem, and then the problem faded away as the situation passed, then you no longer have a problem. There’s no need to dwell on it. Continuously thinking about old pains and problems that have faded away take us away from the present, and cause us unneeded pain.

Remember that mindfulness does not require us to have a timely solution to all problems. Mindfulness is nonjudgmental, non-evaluative awareness and acceptance. It is also a continuous practice and way of life- rather than something that you can ‘achieve’ if you try hard enough.

The fact that you noticed a problem, and also noticed there was nothing you could do about it immediately, is awareness. I would now turn your focus to acceptance. You may realize that new emotions, thoughts, or insights arise when you remember past problems. You can mindfully be aware of and accept these, also. Letting go, forgiving yourself for less-mindful moments, and returning your mind to present awareness becomes easier with acceptance. This is a continuous practice that will become easier with time and experience.

November 13, 2014 at 12:31 pm #67776

jeena
Participant

Somehow I followed every bit of that!!! I guess I do the same thing. LOL But looking at your thinking from this perspective is eye opening! I think we just have to learn to live in the moment whether we think it’s productive or not. And accept what ever it is we are doing as the best path.

November 30, 2014 at 1:38 pm #68578

Drikken
Participant

I suppose I could give a real example. This morning I had a sore throat and I do most mornings, I understand that it would be wise to go see a doctor but it fades off after lunch, I can’t make a appointment in the morning because I have to go to work but I’m meant to be mindful all day so I don’t dwell on my problems or experiences from the morning hence I don’t make an appointment then the next morning I have a sore throat but again have to go to work ect. I realise I could just wait until the weekend and make an appointment on a Saturday morning but I think you see why that isn’t practical. I guess the baseline question is how do I know when to make a decision if I can’t solve the problem immediately, I accept that I can’t do anything and use it as an exercise to be present but at some point it’s preferable that I fix these problems. Thanks and sorry for taking so long to respond to your reply.

December 1, 2014 at 11:44 am #68621

Anne
Participant

Can’t you phone the doc in the morning (when it’s on your mind) to make an appointment for when you’re not in work? Recurring sore throats ought to be checked out 🙂

January 20, 2015 at 1:41 pm #71701

jeena
Participant

So your main question is “how do I know when to make a decision if I can’t solve the problem immediately?” Here are some things to consider:
1. put off making a decision until you’re thinking clearly (that is an act in the moment)
2. maybe right now you don’t have enough information to make an informed decision. (so the act of gathering/seeking is an act in the moment)
3. if you can’t decide on acting vs not acting now logically, then think about it by risk vs gain. i.e. if you’re bleeding out, you would go to the doc immediately..you wouldn’t think about it, right?
4. think of the worst case senario in any outcome of your decision. If you can handle it, then just do it and take responsibility for it. “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst”
5. your gut instinct is important. Don’t overthink things. the fact that you are overthinking this much, tells me you are ignoring your feelings. now that isn’t logical, is it?

January 20, 2015 at 2:02 pm #71702

Elizabeth Wilkens-Plumley
Participant

Do you know what a left brain trapped intellectual is? Your question presupposes the existence of a correct answer to every situation. You could play with all sorts of interesting practice around this. Keep a journal:
first day flip a coin, heads yes do it immediately, tales no let it ride
second day flip the channel or pick up a book and read at random, use it like a fortune cookie, do whatever randomness suggests
third day do the opposite of whatever you think you should
fourth day reevaluate and read your journal, what FEELS most comfortable

A therapist once strongly pointed out for me what Jeena is saying. A feeling is a nudge an intution about the correct response
anger means “i’d rather not” “not for me”
boredom means “myeh”
Happiness means “pursue”

If you get stressed after thinking of a problem, that is not Feeling, that is not your mind, or the universe, that is dysfunctional thought. Just practice letting it go or play with it. ; )

PS my brain is on overdrive as well, try music or Khan academy!
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