Hey Alexandria – You invested your time and energy in a relationship that was not healthy for you. You wanted to see the good in him and you overlooked the not so good. It happens to the best of us. We can never control what our partner desires or how they behave. We can only control our own actions. You were hurt by him because he chose another person. This is extremely painful to most of us. The jealousy comes from a sense of loss. You lost a person who you loved and invested time in for what ever his reasons (or lack of reasons) are. If he cheated on you while you were in a committed relationship, its his loss. He has only cheated himself on his own personal integrity. There will always be somebody more pretty or more exciting. There will always be a guy more charming or handsome. When we enter a healthy relationship, we realize that the love that two people share is far more beautiful and lasting than looks or personality. These things are temporary. Unless he changes radically, this will happen again and again. So really, you have lost nothing. You have nothing to be jealous of. As for the prom dress, let it go 🙂 Peace

This too shall pass. This is a part of grieving for what could have been. Read this too.http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/nothing-will-be-enough-if-relationship-isnt-right/

Hey girl,

I had nearly the exact thing happen to me with my first ‘love.’ Literally, the second we broke up he was dating this girl I had weird vibes from… I was so heartbroken. I kept asking, “How can you just throw away 2 years like it means nothing to you?” I was being a huge social media creep and couldn’t stop looking and comparing. Your situation totally resonates with me.

But I have good news – those feelings will go away with time and you will realize that you are SO happy you aren’t with him anymore. You will also realize that your relationship with him has helped you learn about yourself and also what you DO want out of a relationship. So when Mr. Right comes along, you may realize, “Wow, I’m glad I’m not with So-and-so and I’m glad I learned something from that experience.” That’s one way I looked at the positive, and it really helped 🙂 Something I also did that really helped and felt good was write a letter to my ex. I didn’t give it to him or anything, I just wrote all the things I wish I could say with no filter. It felt great to get the anger, resentment, sadness on paper in front of me. Maybe try that! Or take up a hobby to release some steam. It’s good that you cut off contact for 2 months, and it’s unfortunate you came across a photo. Just remember: don’t compare your behind the curtains with somebody’s highlight reel! You got this 🙂

– C

Ggood day i an from sputh africa ,I’m wondering if anyone can give me ssome advice. My ex boyfriend and I were ttogether for almost 5 years. In our second yyeare we had a by girl. We stayed together as a ffamily. When our daughter was just over a year hwe decided family life wasn’t for him not yet aunaware that he had interests somewhere else. Hhe was abusive drinking, bad temper and aattacked my son 10 years old physically then he kkept on saying that he wants to enjoy his prime aas he was younger than I and I had my chance. Oour relationship started as only fun but soon aafter het told me he loved me! I was hesitant bb this guy seemed like he fell out of heaven. So in 2014 he left us the first time…..3 months later he comes begging back saying all kinds of things and promises like he will get help and that he is on Meds to calm him down. So he moved back….things were rocky but stable at times. In Feb 2016 we mover to a new house our dream house, but this GSM were bad, conot ant drinking, verbal abuse and drugs. 5 months after we moved in he tells me he met some one bit told hher he is engages for almost 5 years and has a little girl and is not interested! A week later he tells me again if it wasn’t for me standing in his way he would have been doing this girl the whole nite! 2 weeks later he physically hits me for not going home as per normal as I went seeking refuge at my parents house. He immediacy begged and pleaded that he is sorry and he just snapped! I was on my way to leave and went to friend for the night! Him thinking that was it wrote me a disturbing letter stating that he has a demon inside him and that he is emotionally fucked up! And that he is a bad person and that he thinks both of them (refering to himself and himself) does not know what they want.also saying that he cant take the family life! I spoke to him and said we will get help together we made up and for a week he couldn’t stop texting me at work how much he loves me and how amazing I am, a week later he takes our daughter saying he is going to his parents. I said ok u sure why the sudden up and go. So about an hour later I text hI’m on my way back from the shop close to his moms house saying I’m coming gaan around. …quickly he text me back saging he is not there anymore but went to a theme park! He hates those places he didn’t last an hour there with me. I immediately picked up something strange! He only came home from the 4 hours later. As he got home he was distant and stiff and when I asked him want was wrong he blurred out I don’t love you anymore! Ok now my mind is racing last week I was amazing and loved me so much a week later it’s different? What??? So there wasn’t a fight or anything he got up to leave then sat back down then he tells met to forget what he saidoes the he get up again until I said enough you made your choice. That was the last time I saw him. A week later he is with a young girl bareley out of school with a little girl our daughters age. Now in the letter he said he can’t take the family life then why the help did he go for someone with a child his own daughters age? We also found out that she left her long term relationship for him. He is very charming good looking and a good actor and manipulator, Now we are busy with court cases for the abuse and trying to expose hI’m as a risk in the long run and he is fighting for visitation and access als claiming he can’t pay child support…yet he is building a home for the new family, goespecially on hOldways and now 4 month after our break up he is engaged to her! So he had money to buy a ring too. Yet his own blood lost het home 3 times in her 4 years deu to her own father but the non biological gets everything that he took from his own child. What a loser! Think he is a Narcissist. Hope he goes to he’ll for what he put us through. Now my question. He left us for this girl and her child a a week later after the break up I heard they are together and moved in together! So it being a rebound after he entered the new relationship, will it last as they are already engaged 4 months into the new relationship! And because they both ended their previous relationships for eachother. Will it last? As we are going on month 6 now. I do think want him back. I’m just interested to know if he will get his share of karma and heartbreak like we did. Or will this end happily ever after for him as his new lady is trying to play mommy for my child and he is pushing for them to be a happy family?
Also we came to an agreement but when I rose concerns to him that our daughter now 4 told me after spending a day with him. Firstly he told me it’s going to be a daddy daughter day yet she told me it was their family day and that he said she must give the other woman hugs but she doesn’t like her. He freak and sent me a nasty vindictive abusiness text and said the agreement is off the table ant that I will se my aso in court now as he is no longer a risk and that my evidince won’t hold up as I let her go with him. So know he trapped me how can I use my witness statements and audios in court I’d I let her go with him without supervision. This how bad this guy is. And he claims this girl has changed him. His parents told me ha had issues from a young age! Only showed his true colours after 3 years. How long before this new lady sees it too? I’m sorry for all the questions it’s just I’m up to my ears in worry!

* Dear minandi:

I hope you will never allow him back in your life as an intimate partner. And not anyone else who is abusive to your children and to you.

I hope you persist in your court case/s and win so to protect your daughter from him, and hopefully protect other children. I sure hope the court will side with you.

As to your questions: no, there will be no “happily ever after” love story for him, his new girlfriend or their children. There is no… happily-ever-after for anyone, really. From your descriptions of his behaviors and his… demon talk, he is unwell. But he will try to prove to the court that he is well and that his new family is a happily-ever-after kind of family. It will be up to the judge to believe who he/ she chooses to believe.

I don’t think he is a happy man but a very troubled man and his new girlfriend/ to be wife is unfortunate to be living with him. Don’t believe appearances, don’t believe what he says (about how happy he is/ they are, etc.) – he is motivated to lie, and not for the first or last time.

You are in a very, very difficult situation. Please focus all your energy and resources to protect the children.

anita

Hi Alexandria,

If you really really want to know how to let go and move on, stop LOOKING OR FINDING things about him from people or social media. You broke the most important rule of beakup, NO CONTACT in any form. Two months and then you ran across his pic with some girl? Why are you keeping yourself in this loop? You can get out of it, you just need to say NO to yourself and your craving to know.

Here’s something I wrote a while ago.

Some suggestions that might help for people going through breakup or divorce

Good luck
Brav3