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temporary long distance

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  • This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 10 years ago by M.
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  • #67155
    M
    Participant

    So my boyfriend and I of over 1 year are doing long distance for only 2 months. We are both medical school students he just finished 2 months ahead of me and is already back in the states. I am currently still in school until December outside of the US. Our relationship for the past 14 months has been overall great. We are best friends and click very well, we also love each other very much which is why when he left we decided it was worth the short 2 months apart to make it work until I got back to the states to take my boards so we could be together again. We have already planned to do our clinicals together and of course live together, and even talked about doing a residency couples match in 2 years. Hes met my mom and they loved each other and I get to meet his parents for the first time in december when I visit him for 2 nights on my way back home before my boards. That is pretty much where we are at right now. We have always been faithful to one another and communicate about anything and everything, that has never been an issue.Oh and also to just add since the day he left 1 month ago we skype every single night and we chat through out the day via text. So we are pretty good at keeping up with each other’s lives on a daily basis. I guess why Im writing here today is because the past week among my crazy hectic stressful schedule of one exam after another I have been starting to get worried. I have been in long distance relationships before my last one being before I came to school about almost 2 years ago. He was going to another medical school on an island about 1 hour ferry ride away (yes I go to medical school in the Caribbean haha) but it didnt work out at all. He put zero effort into seeing me and staying in contact but I wasnt surprised when I went to visit him before we came to school and he completely avoided me from seeing his parents. It was awkward our last night together he went with me to get a hotel room and had to go home and pack so I didnt get to see him until the next morning on our way to the flight, I guess right there I knew he wasnt as serious so I wasnt shocked to see that he just didnt try to make it work at all and I ended up breaking up with him about 2 months into the long distance. I cant seem to have that little bit of fear now , I know that the situation is completely the opposite in that his parents know about me they know we have lived together on the island ever since we started dating and he tells me they are very excited to meet me and have me come stay at their house during my short visit. Even when I speak out loud about this I realize I am being irrational because his actions have been greater than his words which is more important that anything. I just need to let go of this fear that it wont work out that he will within a month suddenly just shift his thinking to oh man this isnt worth it and just fall out of love. I do really trust him and know he would never cheat on me , he has never given me reason to worry. If anythign I have more guy friends and a pretty bad track record in comparison to him and hes always had 10000% trust in me. I guess I just really want to let go of this fear to help me get through the last 5 weeks here without him and focus on my exams. I know espeically for guys long distnace is a huge commitment he is 24 and I am 27 so I have more experience than he does, he hasnt had a long term relationship before, so the fact that his actions show commitment I guess I should just take that as enough reassurance and just stop assuming only negative outcomes. Maybe some views of an outsider can help me see more clearly than being bombarded by my negative insecure ego…..

    #67161
    wood95
    Participant

    You need to chill out. And use paragraphs. Nothing you wrote indicates any problem other than your active mind.

    #67171
    Chris
    Participant

    Hi Misha. I was in a long distance relationship that was toxic and ended very badly. It was not a pleasant experience. Now I am in a healthy long distance (10,000 miles) relationship with a wonderful woman. From time to time I get freaked out too. I know how you feel. Old memories and experiences crop up because the circumstances are similar. But that’s just it, the circumstances are similar not the person you are with. When I feel insecure I just talk with her about it. I tell her how I feel and why. We talk openly about the challenges of distance and time. We’ve help each other get thru the difficult feelings. Perhaps an open dialog with your man would help. Give him a chance to re-assure and love you. Good luck on exams. 🙂

    #67173
    M
    Participant

    Thank you Chris I appreciate the response. You are right… same situations but with different people. I need to remember that. 🙂

    #67174
    M
    Participant

    Also thank you Wood95 I realized I do need to chill out I have a tendency to expect the worst when things are going well. Something to let go of that I am working on. Sometimes its nice to hear from an outsider to knock you back into reality.

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