S, I know it took real courage to write your post. Seeking faith in humanity can only be accomplished by interacting with people. I have also been discriminated against and have felt deep sadness and anger before, yet as I grow and become more aware of the good that surrounds us, I find that we are interconnected more than I ever thought possible. Sometimes I meditate on compassion because it helps me to see something more in others. I also only participate in reading, speaking and interacting with positive, healthy people. I have learned how to spot red flags and therefore release toxic people. Most of us are just like you, wanting to be treated with kindness and wanting a calm and peaceful life.

S,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand how difficult it can be when we get stuck seeing lots of bad. Between your parents, the radical groups, ignorance, division… no wonder you’re left with some anxious feelings and visions! The good news is there is lots of good in the world, and in people, including you. To me, it seems like there is a lack of acceptance in your life, both offered to you from others, and offered from you onto others. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that people are neither good nor bad, we’re a mix. Like you, we get anxious and nervous, which push all sorts of unskillful behavior. Judging others, lusting, envy, greed, on and on we inflict harm on ourselves and others. Most of the time, we don’t even know we do it, or do so defensively, protecting something inside us. Its like how perhaps your fear of people pushes you to perhaps quickly judge them, protecting your sensitive heart from taking in their muck. Closing off in this way does help a little, but has lots of consequences.

Instead, consider an alternate view. Underneath whatever icky bits you notice first, there is a beautiful being just trying to find happiness, same as you. And, their quest for happiness often leads them to do odd things, which your empathy picks up on quite directly, like a sense of “error!” or “ouch!”.

Instead of grabbing onto the sludge, you can rest with it, let it pass through, and not let it interrupt your own light. For instance, if you see someone judging your culture, instead of “yep, there humanity is, doing human things, those bastards.” consider “yes, there is another sibling wandering around, looking for happiness”. Then, it passes right through, doesn’t suck you in, you can get back to your day.

Sometimes, when I go into a house that burns incense, for awhile afterward, my coat smells like incense. With hate groups, its the same. For awhile after shucking that nonsense (and well done! You are strong of heart, friend!) sometimes our senses have hategroupie tinting. Focusing on forgiveness, seeing that people are lovable as is, each a mix of wise spirit and bumbling fool, and kindness to self and others, all could help you breathe out the past, clear the lenses.

Finally, consider starting a metta practice. Metta is the feeling of warm friendliness, like a hug with a trusted loved one. If we practice metta, we gain a sense of freedom and space, allowing us to meet new experiences with more control, less fear. Much like water pouring into a closed container produces anxiety, a sense of drowning, so can experiences produce anxiety without enough space. Consider “Sharon Salzberg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. Twice a day for even a few weeks may help a lot with your struggles.

Namaste, dear friend, try to remember that we do the best we can, and the road to inner peace is paved by endless forgiving.

With warmth,
Matt

Thanks for your post, S (and I hope that **** hasn’t really chased you off, Tiny Buddha is generally a good and kind community). I feel like my faith in humanity has taken a bit of a hit recently, and I recognise some of the things you talk about.

What helps me at times like these is the thought that, basically, we are bonobos. We’re upstart monkeys, nearly paralysed by the fear and rage we’ve inherited from our evolutionary history of scarecity, tribal warfare and brutal oppression. It’s no surprise we’re bad at this stuff. We’ve never been better. In fact, we used to be considerably worse, even as little as 20 years ago.

So if you look around at the kindness and compassion and justice we do achieve, sometimes, I think you can take some heart. I think the long arm of history is still pointing to justice. And yes, it’s been a long time. It may take the rest of our collective existence to get there. But when you say “it is taking too long” or “we should be better than this”, you are trying to force history into your personal timeframe, and no good can come of that.

We are stupid monkeys, scared of the world, scared of each other, scared of the future. Many of us cover that fear in anger. We cling desperately to ideas and notions that give us some sense of certainty, and we don’t see or don’t care how they are bigoted and harmful to others. We suck. But we are trying, each of us in our own way and on our own level, to live right and do right.

I think it’s a big help when you can find others who are somewhere roughly on your level, so you can help each other find the way. I hope you can find those people. I hope you can find the courage, more and more, to meet people and look for the good in them, so you can encourage it. All my best wishes.