trying to find the silver lining after being dropped twice in two weeks

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This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 6 months ago by Anonymous.

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October 5, 2014 at 2:08 am #65997

@Jasmine-3
Participant

Hey Steve

Silver lining is that for the last 2 months, you were able to see a different version of Steve. Steve who was so scared of online dating has suddenly dated 2 women and found out that letting go is not that hard once you make up your mind. This is not about winning or loosing anymore. This is about Steve moving forward in life regardless of all rejections whatsoever.

Who has the courage to reject you if you don’t reject yourself ? Now, that’s what I call a rainbow beneath the dark clouds 🙂 OR a new quote I came across – A straight road doesn’t make skilful drivers 😉

Cheer up mate. It aint so bad and trust me, there are a lot of more fish in the water if you decide to look.

J

October 6, 2014 at 10:53 am #66041

Jodi
Participant

I think these situations where there isn’t a real concrete reason why it didn’t work out are the hardest. The great thing is here is like Jasmine-3 said, you got to experience dating 2 women from an online dating journey. That is pretty great! The biggest take away here for you (and all us when this happens) is that when someone tells us “no” it’s not about us. It’s really about whatever is going on with the other person. It’s not a rejection of you. Also, being told “no” is a wonderful opportunity to take your new dating skills and move on to someone who is more ready and available for the kind of relationship you want. Best of luck!

October 7, 2014 at 10:27 am #66086

jeena
Participant

I’m going through it too Steve @guitardude
Dating is challenging and no I do not want an a**hole to answer your question. It’s all about timing and compatibility. Oh and of course geography 🙂

October 7, 2014 at 11:25 pm #66101

Anonymous
Inactive

Thanks, jeena and Jodi,

I haven’t had any contact with the second woman since Saturday. I’m going to send her one text on October 9th because she told me that was the day her dad passed away, and I wanted to let her know that she will be in my thoughts that day. Then it will probably be done for good. I felt something too quick with her.
I would have loved to get to know her better. I’ve actually been back on that dating site and having a conversation with a woman but I’m not feeling it right now. The woman I was talking to got under my skin. I’m having trouble shaking her. I just hate having this feeling right now.
I think I wanted to open my heart to someone because I have been waiting so long now. My marriage ended over 3 years ago and the last year of it, I spent so much time alone because I was being cheated on the whole time. It just sucks when you feel strongly about someone you can’t be with.

October 9, 2014 at 10:36 am #66156

Katie
Participant

Oh Steve, I really do feel ya. What you’re feeling right now regarding this woman you can’t shake – it will pass. You sound like an awesome guy – open, caring, loyal, appreciative. Really, a catch. You may have hit the nail on the head when you said “I’m looking at things from a place of fear and maybe other people feel that.” I feel like you’re trying to lock a relationship down before it’s really even begun. And in doing this, maybe you’re not having as much fun as you should?? –because you’re so focused on what things mean and where it is going. As tough as it is to do, I think you really need to stop analyzing. Do what YOU LIKE. I know you want a partner to share it with. But listen – you are too great to be single for long. SO while you ARE single, enjoy yourself and your kids!! Just focus on having FUN. If you want to continue talking to ladies online, do it!! If you don’t want to, then don’t!

Yes, it definitely does suck when you feel strongly about someone who doesn’t return those feelings. When this happens, I have to remind myself that if they’re not feeling it they’re really not the person for me anyway. Nothing more attractive to me than someone who totally digs me – it tells me they see me for the amazing person I am. So maybe try to view this lack of reciprocation as an unattractive quality in her. You deserve someone who is into you 100%. Do not settle till you find that. And until you do, (and even when you do) YOU be into you 100%. Corny? yes. True? Absolutely.

October 9, 2014 at 11:30 am #66157

jeena
Participant

Hi Steve
I’m so sorry that you were cheated on. That has got to make it tough dating for you now! And yes, that feeling of someone being under your skin is a perfect description of someone that you kind of fall for quickly. This is exactly how I’m feeling about someone I recently started dating. I’m also getting mixed and unclear signals. But I ended it for that reason. Now I’m back out “looking” again too. It’s refreshing to see that a guy actually has these types of feelings too because I was attributing it to something only females go through in the beginning stage.

October 9, 2014 at 6:03 pm #66168

Anonymous
Inactive

Thanks Katie and jeena,

I did send her that message and it was a “thanks” and “sorry I’ve been really busy, no time to chat”. I didn’t get into anything too much with her but I let her know that message wasn’t about trying to chat. I might text her in while and see how she responds. If she tells me that she doesn’t have time for a relationship, I’ll just call her on it, because she is on the same dating site as me.

I think she is trying not to hurt my feelings and get me to finally give up on her. I’d rather a person just dump you than do that. It always leaves you feeling unsure of what it means.

Jeena, I think guys get a bad rap when it comes to relationships. Both sexes are very good at playing games with a person’s emotions. My ex-wife who I was with for 19 years lied to my face everyday, for at a year, and didn’t think anything of it.

I’m starting to think I am hooked on the type of woman that this woman is. She has so many great qualities about her that draws me to her. She makes me think that I should have met someone like her a long time ago. One quality that I could do without is aloofness.
I’m trying to break out of this funk. I think it will take a little time though
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