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Want to Find a Special One but not at the Expense of Fun

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Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
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  • September 4, 2014 at 11:56 am #64391
    Trevor
    Participant

    I also find it very difficult to “have fun” with someone I don’t feel close to and safe with… Which is problematic when dating seems to be a numbers game

    September 5, 2014 at 7:07 am #64423
    didi2136
    Participant

    Hi Trevor,

    First of all,I really liked to read your post because I think in the same way. I’m in a relationship and we both want to make it last, even we don’t know what is going to happen in the future. So far, I’ve had two serious relationships and this is the third one. I always wanted a relationship that lasted a lifetime but now I know that it’s impossible because everything can change. You can change, the person you love can change.

    When I don’t have a boyfriend, I felt really alone. It came to a point that I wasn’t prepared to love again. So I decided to take a chance on a relationship where I don’t have any worries and I just let go and have some fun. That’s what I thought was going to happen but I felt even worse about myself. But that is my conclusion about me, I’m not a person in that kind of relationships because I can’t do it. I have to feel a real connection with this person and nobody else matters.

    Some people can have fun with multiple persons just for pleasure and maybe never want a relationship. But some can later want a serious relationship, that is perfectly normal. We have to try both sides to understand what we really want.

    All I can say is that you will find someone that really loves you. And that person will only want to be with you. Believe me, when you really love someone, whatever happened in the past, doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is that you find your soulmate. Just be patient and let things happen.

    September 5, 2014 at 2:22 pm #64452
    Reanna
    Participant

    Hi Trevor,
    I think many people out there think like you, including myself. I was taught at an early age that in order for someone else to respect me, I must respect myself first and to me, “having fun” with people isn’t necessarily respecting myself, it’s only a means to satisfy natural human desires. I think the key to finding someone who wants the same thing is being real with people. When I first met my current boyfriend, I told him very honestly that I wasn’t looking for games. Whether that meant us being platonic friends, or investing in a romantic relationship, I felt like I had to extend that open line of communication between us. And prior to my boyfriend, I communicated that to people who were interested in pursuing me. Some appreciated it, and others didn’t even bother talking to me again, but the fact is, the ones who appreciated that and stuck around were the ones who were genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person. I think that communication is key. Even when in a relationship, two people may have two different ideas on what it means to open up, however with open communication and a willingness to understand, finding someone who truly values you and cares about your feelings/perspectives, you can invest your time and love into something more than just having fun.

    All the best,
    Reanna

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