August,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand the the way low points can seem to mire us in a swamp. Very quickly, hope drains into hopelessness, dread sets in, and our light dwindles. Don’t despair, dear friend, for even though the shadows seem long, hope is never far off, and with hope, anything is possible. 🙂 A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that when we go through tough times, we often forget to make space to grieve and heal from them. We try to tread onward, like walking with blisters, and each step feels painful. No wonder you say you’ve had more downs than ups! Perhaps you’ve walked by a hundred flowers, but never seen one, always tending those blisters, grumbling. Very normal, usual, and expected. Consider how pain has a way of turning us toward our feet, trying to grab our attention that something is amiss. Emotional blisters are the same.

The heal them, consider learning how to let go of the past, grieve and be done with old losses. We don’t have to carry it around like a weight, instead we can breathe, make space, cry it out, and be done with it. Instead of trying to hide or run from the feelings, we can sit with them, just accepting “this is here now”, and let emotions flow in and out. As we breathe with it, the memories and the love remain, the way your friends and family’s lives meant something to you, but the pain of it can grow from sharp to dull to a scar as it heals.

For a turbo charge of your inner hero, the heart light you’re trying to attune to, consider starting a metta meditation practice. Metta helps us reframe our thoughts, thinking happy thoughts on purpose, having happy thoughts automatically, then appreciative joy as happy feelings begin to blossom. From there, its just a matter of investing your happiness wisely, using your rekindling light wisely. When we don’t know what to do in “the big picture”, such as what career to find feeling swampy and stale, its good to refocus smaller, looking for a way that you can make the world a better place for yourself and especially others, today. Perhaps make your mom a card, open a door for someone, help an old lady across the street, volunteer at a soup kitchen… anything really, look around, jump in, lend a hand. 🙂 Consider “bhante gunaratana guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. He explains and guides well, and has an accent, so listen close! 🙂

Namaste, friend, may you find your blue skies.

With warmth,
Matt