What can I know about you without any investigating – that you are highly accomplished and have healthy ambition. You are probably bright as well. Unfortunately, these positive traits will not insulate you from regret and other negative feelings especially if you are hard on yourself for not achieving the ideal life you may have planned.

I have the same issues myself. I cannot help but obsess over things that I did or did not do – sometimes very long ago. It’s as if I have a record of everything in my head and don’t want to own certain parts as being a part of myself. In other instances I just wish I had done differently – maybe studied science, married somebody and had kids, and feel like it’s a little late now.

But is sounds as if you do not even have that. Why do you let it haunt you? Are you humiliated by something in the past? Is there anything irretrievable or unfixable? Does it help to know that 50% of marriages end in divorce? If you regret losing a relationship you would be in very good company. Many people who have lost relationships don’t even give a damn because they blame the other person (wrongly!).

My impression of you is someone leading a full, creative life that is much better than billions of poor smucks out here. You may still dislike yourself. Tell me, do you wake up in the morning and start reviewing your life’s failings or something like that?
If it helps, you are not a arms merchant or corporate lobbiest are you? Did you murder anyone? Did you poach any endangered animals? I doubt it. And you have your whole life to create things of value and enjoy the beauties of our world and its people (the decent ones).

Don’t regret the past because it sounds like you have done a passing good job. Don’t regret the present because (how do you do that???), Don’t fear the future because it is not yet written and none of us knows it. As for Europe, I regret having been so broke since Grad School that I have not gone there once. Maybe you should go there if it gives you joy. I certainly prefer their social policies which are a reflection of their philosophy of life.

I hope this helps. You sound like a promising person and I hope you hang in there.

Hi Lil Lilly, so sorry to hear that you are feeling so down at the moment, and so tearful. It sounds as though you have a lot of pressure on you, what with the studying, work, volunteering and all of your other commitments. Maybe you are physically exhausted and perhaps this is impacting on your mental health now? It doesn’t sound as if it is the best time to decide about whether to be living somewhere else, like Europe, if you are trying to cope with a break up from your European boyfriend? You may be chasing the dream, rather than dealing with the reality? Have you ever heard of Mindfulness? There are some good books you can read about it, and basically it gets you to concentrate on the moment in time, rather than looking back or forward, and it helps you to realize that whilst we are worrying about tomorrow we are missing out on the here and now, and also how many times we are so busy that it doesn’t even truly register what we are doing!!! I am glad to hear that you are going to talk to a counsellor, sometimes it does help to voice your concerns and fears and help you to sort out your thoughts about things. I would suggest that you put off making any big decisions until you are feeling much better. Just remember, the past has gone and we can’t do anything to change it, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet so we can’t even guess what it will be like, so we may as well work on appreciating the here and now 🙂
Best Wishes
Sarah-Jane