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How to stop the fear

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  • #57227
    Gracie
    Participant

    My ex broke up with me 9 months ago. This was my first relationship. He said I was monitoring, possessive, mistrusting and so insecure. During our relationship I would feel anxious and scared that he will leave me for another girl everytime he would not spend his time with me. My fear became a reality so I lost him. Now that I lost him I should feel at ease and worry free. But why am I still haunted with fear and anxiety of losing him when i already lost him. Everytime I see him with another girl it psyches me out. I get hurt and scared at the same time. I deleted my fb so I don’t have to torture myself. I wanna get rid of this feeling. I’m tired feeling miserable. I’m tired feeling scared. I wanna be happy, feel love and security for myself. My question is, is there a way to stop feeling this way? My mom had to leave us to my grandma when we were kids. Growing up, my dad cheats on my mom. So I don’t know if my emotional struggle has to do with it.I’m working on my personal growth and development. I wanna be a better person. I hope someone can answer me.

    #57245
    sojourner
    Participant

    Hi Gracie,
    I recognize some of you in me, except I think you are young and I am old! Reading your story, which is so much like mine, I think you might have some of the same deep rooted abandonment issues that I do based on your parents behavior toward you. The only way for me to work that through was with a professional counselor who helped me see, name and reframe those issues. If you can’t afford it, and many counselors have sliding fees so that you can afford it, please do some research on abandonment issues. You are revisiting the patterns established when you were little and repeating them in your adult life in your relationship with men. It doesn’t have to be that way, you can change it but first you have to understand and acknowledge the problem. Bottom line, I hope you realize that you and you alone are ENOUGH and worthy. You don’t NEED anyone…you can WANT them, but you do not need a man to complete you. Everything you need is right inside your own heart and soul. Believe in yourself, love yourself first, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Trust yourself to always be there for you and you won’t scare yourself or others away. Good luck! Seek out that counseling…you had an unfair and unsettling childhood that is bleeding over into your adult choices but it can be fixed pretty easily, I promise.

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