fbpx
Menu

Looking for honest opinion of myself

Home→Forums→Relationships→Looking for honest opinion of myself

New Reply
Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • April 26, 2014 at 11:44 pm #55421
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hey Lightsource

    First of all, there is NOTHING wrong with YOU. You did what you did as you felt insecure and you needed love and stability. Hey, we all do such things in our lives. The most important thing now is that you learn from this experience and start putting in strategies so that you never have to doubt yourself again in the future.

    Pls do not go back to this guy even if you think you love him. Things are meant to be easy and life is meant to flow. If it didn’t work out twice, it is not going to work out anymore as your subconscious mind will not allow you to find peace with this guy (you will somehow become insecure about him again even if you work on self). Ancient wisdom tells us that Human law or Universe may forgive a person once but the persons own subconscious mind never lets you get over an emotional trauma and the only way to make peace is to forget, forgive and move on from that incident. In this case it is your ex.

    People do what they do as it feels right to them. Everyone is unique and different. While we all long for love and acceptance deep down, we express it in different ways depending on our environmental, social, genetic and spiritual conditioning. No one is ever wrong in a true sense. It is only a matter of personal perspective.

    What can you do to make yourself feel proud of yourself:
    – forget about your age; age means nothing anymore when it comes to finding your love or having kids in this world. Please do not become a victim of societal pressures. You can get married at the age of 70 as well. What matters is that you are kind to yourself and have a beautiful heart.
    – work on self to improve your self-esteem. If you do not love yourself and respect yourself the most, everyone else will just come and walk all over you in some form or other. You will never achieve stability in your head even after having a family or kids. It is our mind, which is amazingly powerful and keeps us stuck in the rut if we do not take control of it.
    – accept yourself the way you are and it will become effortless to accept everyone else as they are. Forgive yourself and it will become effortless to forgive others.
    – accept that there is ONLY ONE of YOU in this world. There can never be another one of you ever, which means you are very special and valued member of this Universe. You have a purpose for being here. Pls look after yourself and smile heaps. Listen to soul soothing music, dance to your hearts content, cook for yourself, go out for a coffee date with yourself, go for a swim and catch the waves, exercise etc.
    – write down all the lessons that you can learn from the last few years and this relationship and see which ones bring the most happiness into your life if you could incorporate those lessons. Every incident, relationship (good or bad), every person is here to teach us something or learn something from us. What did this guy teach you ? What can you take into the future ? What needs to be left behind forever ?
    – continue your meditation and mindfulness practice pls
    – pls pls pls pls pls let go and forgive this ex of yours. Let him go. When you do that, you will free yourself in a huge way and it will be a liberating experience. Grieve if need be but move forward sooner rather than later
    – always remember, you are loved by YOU no matter what happens in this world. YOU will always be there for yourself. So why the self- doubt or any fear ?

    Blessings and loads of positive energy coming your way,

    Jasmine

    April 27, 2014 at 9:21 am #55451
    lightsource
    Participant

    Sweet Jasmine,

    Thank you so much for your response. I truly appreciate it. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and read it. It eased my mind more than you can imagine. With you sending positive energy out, I hope the return is twofold. Thank you for the good advice, and a few things really resonated with me. “Forgive yourself and it will become effortless to forgive others.” That is amazing advice, and definitely something I need to acknowledge. You are correct in mentioning that until I improve my self esteem, nothing outside of myself will “fix” me. Somehow I thought my ex proposing and having a family would make things perfect. And thank you for mentioning to forget about age. I struggle with all my friends getting married and having beautiful children and realizing I am not there. I am so happy for them, but should know I don’t need to have that to be happy. And exercise, a coffee date and soothing music were all completed this morning 🙂 Thank you for that! I feel such a difference in today versus yesterday and know your response helped with that. It’s going to be work, but all worth it and you are correct in moving on. It’s hard when you reflect on “what could have been.” Here’s to new beginnings.

    Thank you again Jasmine. You have a beautiful heart and a wonderful talent of helping others and making them feel better. Thank you for sharing that.

    Hugs and blessings back to you.

    April 27, 2014 at 7:34 pm #55482
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Lightsource. You have made my day (more likely week and many months) with your response :).

    Now let the good things roll and pls never doubt yourself ever again. You are awesome 🙂

    I had a lovely breakfast (sourdough toast topped with roasted pumpkin, Danish feta, crushed avocado, poached egg and quinoa seeds – and it was delicious) with myself followed by a whole body massage this morning. Life is so gooooood when you look after yourself. Now back to work, lol.

    Jasmine

    April 28, 2014 at 7:31 am #55509
    lightsource
    Participant

    Hmmm, your Sunday breakfast sounds amazing Jasmine! I’ll have to try those flavors together (yum). And yay for a massage! You deserve it! Have a wonderful week 🙂

    April 28, 2014 at 7:43 am #55511
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hey that was my monday morning breakfast. You must be in US, eh ?
    Boil the qinoa seeds to bring out more flavours and one toast keeps you full until dinner time.
    You take care as well.
    J

    April 28, 2014 at 8:39 pm #55548
    lightsource
    Participant

    Hi Jasmine, I usually do crushed avocado, a little oil & pepper on toast, so I’ll have to try those other goodies on top as well. Quinoa seeds would be a nice addition, and I bet it fills you up. Thank you! Yes, I am in the US. And you? UK?

    April 29, 2014 at 12:01 am #55553
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hey hey Lightsource
    Aus
    I think there are a lot of people here from USA. In real life, I do not have many americans here that I deal with so this is a nice balance.
    Another breakfast option is to make a topping with steamed and crushed asparagus, avocado and artichokes with some olive oil, salt and pepper to taste lol.
    See you around and stay happy always
    J

    April 29, 2014 at 11:22 am #55589
    Fiyuhfry
    Participant

    Lightsource,

    First and foremost, my sympathies for this trying situation. It can be frustrating and devastating to have what it appears to be someone who cannot make up their minds in having a long-term relationship with you. I understand the feelings of seeming inadequacy, but I am happy that you have the resilience to not believe this. Before you decide to move on, is there something you can learn in spite of this roller coaster? If he seems to be an impulsive person who did not like to plan ahead, that seems to be the first red flag, as a marriage is a commitment that requires more planning ahead and less impulsiveness (could you imagine his fathering techniques?). It appears that you were ready for a long and fulfilling relationship, and he possibly had doubts jumping into the same ship. Although the feelings of being afraid is natural and understood, the first person he should have talked to is you. No matter how you slice it, I feel that he handled the situation very immaturely with his subsequent actions, and that is no fault of yours. Examine the situation, your emotional responses of anger and resentment, was that truly stemmed from what you feel is a weakness of yours and yours alone? Or were these simply a reaction to his poor behavior? I wouldn’t recommend allowing anyone to have power over you by making you feel as though you must be “cool and collected” while they are misbehaving. Anyone would have reacted the same way. Forgive yourself, but I don’t feel I have to tell you that you can’t force someone else to grow (which would be a chore anyway). If you’d like to focus on controlling explosive reactions and channel them in a more calm and assertive way, there are lots of resources (and can catch many off-guard if they know they are misbehaving, they can’t use the “its YOU that’s the problem! Look at how you’re acting!” excuse anymore.)

    Now, it is a good exercise to meditate and reflect on some seeming weaknesses that you may have before seeking out another relationship. Re-examine why you want a family, why you want a long term relationship. Is it for the right reasons? Or because you feel the slow creep of time? We as humans tend to see less clearly while under pressure, we give up needed examination in favor of shortcut solutions to make the perceived time crunch. I feel that this same mechanism can cause us to make not so great mate choices or miss subtleties that could have sent a message saying, “this trait is going to be bothersome later, let’s talk about it now.” If a similar situation arises again and you are pit against the same traits of impulsiveness from your partner, as fun as it might be in the moment, I would take the opportunity to explore why they are like that; more often than not people will give you insight on who they are if they are simply asked. This is a good way to anticipate how this is going to match up with your future goals and plans.

    Best wishes.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 11 months ago by Fiyuhfry.
    April 30, 2014 at 7:21 pm #55661
    lightsource
    Participant

    Hello Fiyuhfry,

    Thank you so much for your response. I really appreciate your time contemplating my situation and sharing your view. It is very kind of you! You definitely shed good light on many items.

    I feel that you understand where I was coming from, and appreciate your empathy towards my frustration/anger. Deep down, I would have loved it if he could have talked to me honestly and openly about the way he was feeling, whether it was fear, uncertainty, etc., rather than the way it was handled in an immature manner as you suggested. I think that was where trust was lost the first time around, and why I never felt quite safe the second time, being I felt a breakup could just happen again without warning. And yes, I wonder if he would have gave me support and assurance, rather than focusing on what he didn’t want, if things would have gone differently. Perhaps that in itself is a trait that would not allow us work in the long term. It’s hard because I reflect back and think what if I wouldn’t have done this or said that differently, but that is how you learn and grow. We both did things that didn’t help us grow in a better way. I do feel that my anger was both of ours to own, but mostly mine, being I was the professing it. I definitely never want to let my anxiety, insecurities, and low feelings of self worth get the best of me again. And as you mentioned, there are other, better ways to assert yourself.

    I kept hoping that we could turn the corner and once I felt assured, I would be comfortable, be myself, the person he originally feel in love with. I now know that this was a ridiculous thought and I needed to focus on my self-esteem, but I didn’t realize this until later.

    I think his personality is one in which “life is short, let’s have fun,” which is probably what attracted me to him in the first place. So, that is another great observation that you mentioned. I need to consider what I look for in a relationship. And I do admit the “time” thing scares me as well, as of recent, but obviously I can’t control that situation. I would love to have children, but if it doesn’t work out, I will be okay 😉

    Thank you for giving me many great things to consider. I am healing and can only hope I am closer to becoming a better, more self-aware person. This is due in part to you, Jasmine and all the good information Tiny Buddha provides. Peace and love to you 🙂

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.