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Am I Ruining my relationship

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  • April 24, 2014 at 2:47 am #55293
    Moonlove4
    Participant

    Hi there.
    I would really appreciate some advice I don’t want to talk to people close to me as they tell me the same thing or don’t understand. I’ve been in relationships in the past and I’ve been cheated on treated badly which to the point made me hate men all together which is a strong word but it did. Until a while ago I met someone who was totally different caring,kind,loyal,loving,trustworthy but i still find it hard to trust him so hard even, when he goes out with his friends I get this horrible feeling. I get so insecure and jealous if he says another women is good looking pretty, I don’t like watching movies if I knew they have attractive women in them because it just makes me feel so uncomfortable and insecure and it annoys me that I feel this way. I also saw that he liked lads magazines on facebook/twitter and it made me feel awful again and it made me feel distant from him. I get so angry and think why are men never happy with what they have they always have to look at other women which in my eyes are awful if you are in a magazine with your parts showing. It really upsets me and I know it is so pathetic and stupid I just don’t know what to do because I know I’m ruining my relationship and I love him. So,stokes I feel like I’d be better off on my own so then maybe I wouldn’t worry so much.
    I’d appreciate anyone’s help!
    Thanks

    April 24, 2014 at 11:06 am #55312
    nature0z
    Participant

    Hello Georgia, first let me say something about me, i am 31,Gay ,Chubby, IT geek , and Latin, right now i have been through so much with my relationships not because I’ve had too many , i had just had few but very intense , i am a long term relationship oriented and i like commitment, i am on my fourth serious relationship my first ended when i move out of the country 5 years , the second became a beautiful friendship to the point we been roommates for five years(if you want to learn how to deal with your ex and survive i think I’m your guy .. lol ) the third one broke my heart in so many pieces he hurt, humiliate me, made me lose my dream job, almost send me to jail , it was so bad that he took all i had inside and destroy it with no remorse , then i meet my actual BF, same age same interest, we click in so many levels i think he is the one but i have trust issues same as you because of my past relationship and we have along distance relationship so is even more difficult , my advice and this is how it works for me , talk to him make him understand what you been through , one of the pillars of relationships is communication , but you have to let it go and show him you are making steps towards that , allow yourself to be angry and jealous is totally normal , the problem is when you dwell on it and make it a problem and turns into anger…i have no doubt he loves me .. And i think he worth my trust so i do everything on my power to make myself trust he never has gave me a reason not to trust him.. if you love him you have to learn to let it go and trust him and talk to him don’t keep things to yourself explain to him why you feel like that and if he loves you he will understand and even make it better for you ..

    April 24, 2014 at 2:38 pm #55317
    Moonlove4
    Participant

    Hi thank you so much for your reply! Reading through what you wrote makes me mad at how people can treat people and completely put them through heartbreak like that but I guess that’s what makes us stronger. I am so glad you found someone that will treat you how you deserve, your exactly right with everything you say. Yes I can imagine a long distance relationship must be so hard that obviously creates even more stress and insecurity in the relationship but then it’s so much more precious when you actually get to see each other. If you think he is the one and is worth your trust then go for it put your heart and sole in it because like you said he has never given you a reason to not trust him and that’s exactly like my boyfriend he is so honest with me so I really have no idea why I worry but I guess once you’ve been in a bad relationship it’s so hard to trust I feel like I’m always looking for something or trying to find out something when deep down it’s ruining a great relationship. Communication is the top priority to a good relationship like you say. Thank you for your advice. Wish you very well in your relationship 🙂

    April 24, 2014 at 3:44 pm #55318
    learning
    Participant

    I found this website, and this woman, Dominique to be very loving and helpful about this specific concern. http://sexandheart.com/archive-posts/
    Don’t let the site name fool you. She offers much wisdom and love and an open mind, much the same as this site. She has helped me immensely, although our healing is an on-going process. Look through the archives there. She writes a lot on this subject, and many others.

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