I dont have much respect for a person who initiates a smear campaign about an ex, once out of a relationship. This says a lot more about her than it does about you. I also dont have much respect for her friends who so blindly go along with her account of the situation. Most intelligent people know there is your side, her side and the truth.

She interferes with your life because you allow her to. Why are you still talking to this person? or having involvement in her world? Are you receiving any benefit or joy from these exchanges. You can curb your reactions to these provocations by removing her acts from your life completely.

I understand that you feel you are not willing to sacrifice areas of your life and hobbies. However for your own healing and mental well being you may need to find new outlets, or at least remove yourself from familiar ones. Until you are at a point emotionally where her attempts to start drama wont phase you. Until you reach a point of indifference towards her behavior.

I hear your point about being attracted to one personality trait only to realize later on that sword has two edges. Its the dichotomy of ones personality that I do not think I will ever become expert in understanding or being able to discern. She sounds like a master manipulator and it seems the puppet strings are still attached to you. You say you apologized for something you did not do. Again, why?

It seems you are still giving much credence to this persons ability to influence your life, thoughts and emotions. You are craving understanding, and sometimes with some people there is no understanding them. Peace only comes from acceptance that they are their own person, they choose their path to walk. Accepting this however, does not mean you need to follow her down it, or choose one that parallels.

Be proud of yourself you had the sense to steer clear and dodge the bullet. Time to detach and move on. Ive read some of your other contributions on here to others. You seem to be a very considerate and intelligent person. You know what you need to do, so whats stopping you?