Is this my fault? Need Honest Advice

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 8 months ago by The Ruminant.

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March 7, 2014 at 10:13 am #52465

knx
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Hi everyone!

This is my first post here. and I not expecting anything from anyone here I would like some honest feed back on a situation I found myself in.

Well I am a 24 year college student (I graduate in in December) , one who up until recently has had some pretty serious bouts with Anxiety and depression. I had no control over my mind. about two months and half ago I decided that I was going to train my brain to be nice to me. So I say positive things to myself all day which has been working great for me. A few weeks later I found meditation and now I am on my 41 day on consecutive meditation. I mostly meditate for a hour a day some things two. Its changing my life and I am so grateful for it. I am so much more comfortable in my own skin. I don’t judge myself anymore and more people are attracted to me, plus my creativity has shot up.

My question is through for the three years I’ve been in school unknown to me I have been a walking ball of stress. I could not find a genuine friend to save my life. Every woman that came into my life all expressing romantic interest in me initially alway seemed to end up leaving me hanging in the end. I felt that everyone judged me wrong and unfairly and hated me for no reason. and this caused my to feel like I was surrounded by a bunch of fakes. I couldn’t understand why a great person like me who has so much love to give would be treated so coldly.

but now I am wondering if their reactions to me was my fault. maybe I was misconstruing information, Maybe I didn’t express enough love for myself. I thought I was in a school with people whom I have nothing in common with but now I wonder if my toxic thoughts are why i’ve always felt alone here and have had trouble forming bonds.

Like I said many things have changed I notice people are much more comfortable around me. I’m not super social but I smile a lot and people can tell I’m happy. I will never go back down that toxic path but I would like to know what people here think about this?

could I have honestly caused everyone around to feel uncomfortable with me because I was awkward and anxious or were they just not willing to give me a chance?

March 7, 2014 at 10:23 am #52470

IJ
Participant

Start over now. You cannot change the past, start being your own best friend now and you will find that like attracts like. What you put out, you get back. BE A GOOD FRIEND TO GET A GOOD FRIEND

March 7, 2014 at 10:31 am #52471

Chad
Participant

Let me ask you this, what is the purpose of finding the answer to your question? I assigning blame going to change what occured? No, what is done is done. We all make mistakes and maybe the way you were contributed to why you found difficulty making a relationship work. So the real golden nugget in your question is, what was I doing that make a relationship/friendship difficult, and how can I change that and be more compassionate with myself about it. So that it does not continue to interfere with my interpersonal relationships moving forward.

I agree with the last sentence of IJ’s feedback, you have to give to someone what it is you want to receive from them. It all starts and ends within ourselves.

March 7, 2014 at 11:12 am #52473

knx
Participant

thank you

March 7, 2014 at 11:20 am #52475

knx
Participant

Not trying to assign blame I simply want to know if my nervous energy was affecting possible relations with others. I figure with more information, when the time comes to hopefully help some one who deals with these same issues I can tell them exactly what helped me. I agree with IJ too but I’m not looking for advice on how to get friends. I just want to know if my negative energy was affecting others or was it the other way around?

March 7, 2014 at 1:05 pm #52480

Flavia
Participant

I think you shoud read this: http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/change-your-life-by-changing-your-mind-about-yourself/
Maybe it will be the answer to your question. 🙂

March 7, 2014 at 9:05 pm #52489

The Ruminant
Participant

It’s impossible for any of us to give an honest evaluation, as all we have is your description of the events. Also, it’s never quite that simple. It’s not just that you would’ve changed or the people around you would’ve changed, but also your perception might’ve changed. When someone is depressed, they see the world differently from someone who isn’t. Neutral events are interpreted as disasters or failures, whereas someone who is excited about life might interpret them as wonderful occurrences. I have many times myself completely misread a situation (or sometimes even literally misread words) when I have expected something from the situation. I’ve been expecting to be rejected and that’s how I’ve read the situation, even if a person was actually interested in my company.

So there really is no possibility of an objective evaluation. You’re the only one who can get closest to it, but you’ll have to be honest with yourself and stay rather neutral. Using words like “fault” is not neutral.
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