Will gives very good advice. I agree, especially the last paragraph: You will be ok no matter what. Try not to look at this as you being on trial and you are awaiting the judge to return from chambers with a verdict. Take this time apart to not only look at your own behaviors in the relationship but to also evaluate what it is you want and need from a partner. I have been in your position and when I was there, I was in a panic, just wanting him to be with me, kicking myself for all the things I did wrong, saying “if only” I had done this or that, or not done this or that and in the end all I was doing was torturing myself. If you recognize behaviors in yourself that you want to change or improve upon, that’s great. But I’d encourage you to also consider that you have every right to feel your feelings and to express them when things don’t feel right, like for example him wanting to rekindle a friendship with someone he was previously romantically involved. That would make me uncomfortable as well. What I’m trying to say is that it’s wonderful you want to work on your self-esteem so that you can be more secure in your relationship(s), don’t take on more of this burden than necessary. I don’t know that it’s “80%” your fault. You’re both in this relationship and you both need to work together to find peace and happiness within that relationship.

Value yourself, with or without him.