- This topic has 7 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 10 months ago by
@Jasmine-3.
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February 15, 2014 at 2:26 pm #51069
RachelParticipantFor years I have struggled with my judgement of others. It comes from a high standard that I grew up around, not that I was really held to. If I work hard or give my all then I expect others to do the same. Should they not, well then the judgement comes and the frustration with them starts to overcome me. I start to find faults all around me. A few years ago I went through a business partner separation. The main claim was because I was too negative, also finding faults in others. Meanwhile, working for the least amount money and of many other employees. Often having to clean up others messes, but I was to not point that out. Spent 2 years struggling to find myself, yet found myself in other jobs with the same definition. So here I am after being at a job for less than a year and I am beside myself. I’m not in a management position yet I am overcome with watching how much people get away with barely working. Yet the responsibility can keep piling onto me. Others are paid more for doing less.
I am tired of feeling like this and am looking for advice on how to change my mindset.
February 15, 2014 at 3:33 pm #51070
LilbuddhaParticipantI know exactly how you feel. It’s frustrating to work so hard, and watch others slack-off. You have an excellent work ethic, and that’s great! But you can’t expect everyone to live-up to your high standards. You know that. I recently had a similar chat about this with an old friend. This all comes down to your expectations. You have high expectations of yourself, and others as a result. I’ve struggled with similar issues. I think the only way to handle this is to accept that in one way or another, you are flawed, too., and other people have to deal with those flaws. As with your judgement issues, maybe that makes you unpleasant to work with? I don’t know, but I can’t imagine it’s be too nice to work with someone scouring in resent at me because they’ve chosen to take on my work, too. Whatever your flaws are, rest assure … You have them. We all do. Remaining mindful that others have to tolerate something about you, sort-of kicks yourself off of your own pedestal.
That sounds bad, but the intention here is to demonstrate the significance of humility. The main thing is you recognize it’s a problem, and want to resolve it. You’re setting yourself for perpetual disappointment, because no matter where you go or what you do….you will find more of the same. Stephen Hawking said something along the lines of, “it’s all right to make mistakes, without them we would not exist”. It was the imperfect aftermath of the Big Bang that lead to our existence, so he was speaking in very real terms of scientific study – not Confucius-like philosophy.
So, go easy on yourself, first. Once you’ve mastered that, than you can go easier on others. This has everything to do with you. Learn to laugh at how silly we become when we take things so seriously. Imagine a check-out girl acting as if she doesn’t get all the lipstick stocked behind the shelf in five minutes the world would end, and takes it out on her co-workers for not being the same. It’s silly. Instead, it’s much more fun to make it a game….life is very much a game.
I hope this helps.
February 15, 2014 at 3:42 pm #51071RachelParticipantThank you for your post. Painful but truthful. All in the learning process. Learning to train yourself to not be how you have been is a true feet.
February 16, 2014 at 9:16 am #51094
MattParticipantRachel,
What do you consider to be the components of a successful life? We build careers we retire from, towers that crumble, invest in technologies that become outdated, projects that get a thumbs up and then are tossed aside. Where’s the peace? Where’s the joy? Said differently, there’s no time to be happy when the whip is ever cracking… pushing. Perhaps find the whip, set it down, then take a look around. What makes you happy?
With warmth,
MattFebruary 16, 2014 at 6:48 pm #51124
@Jasmine-3ParticipantHi Rachel
Thanks Lilbuddha and Matt for your posts. You guys are so amazing :))))))))))))). Matt, is lilbuddha your duplicate ?
Rachel, I have had very similar experiences as yourself and couple of years ago, I hit rock bottom in terms of, “Enough is enough”. This is when I started on a journey of Self-love and self-care. Basically, what lilbuddha said is correct. Judgement stems from an underlying lack of self-love or appreciation. We are hard on ourselves and it flows on to others. The roots of this can often be found in the childhood.
I used the following tools to assist me in the process of self-loving (although I am still a work in progress like most 🙂 ):
– Creating an exceptional life by louise hay and Cheryl Davidson is a good start – it has a lot of positive affirmations and good stuff to start us on the journey of self-love
– Meditation and Yoga
– Gratitude Journal and practicing “letting go of resentment” every day
– Writing down your feelings about what is working in life and what is not. Things which are not working are usually out of our control. Once you accept this, it will be easier to accept yourself
– Smile, Smile and more Smiles
– Doing only things that you are happy to do – first step to accepting yourself. Your mind / heart, thoughts and actions need to be aligned. For example – you offer to sort out other person’s mess but in your heart you are cursing the person – this creates a conflict at an Universal energy level. Like attracts like. So the more you are misaligned in your thoughts and actions, the more you attract of the same.
– Everyone is imperfect including myself – helped a lot in accepting myself
– My daily mantra: I accept myself the way I am, I forgive myself for all the intentional and unintentional pain I have caused myself and I love myself unconditionally.Best wishes,
J
February 16, 2014 at 7:18 pm #51131RachelParticipantI enjoy working to a degree. I am however often because of being good at what I do or loyal, that I end up with every thrown at me. So it no longer is enjoyable because I become overloaded by being responsible. I have never been good in social groups and prefer to keep to myself. It’s less complicated that way. Perhaps I have missed the whole idea of life.
February 16, 2014 at 7:24 pm #51132RachelParticipantThank you for your reply. I have always put others and work before myself. I don’t find “loving” myself part of my daily life. I guess when I am able to accept that, it’s okay to put myself first then I will be able to read and change. I am happy for you , that you had that AHA moment and was able to take the true step forward. After reading all the replies, I have realized that I am not ready for that . I can’t see myself doing any of the suggested.
February 16, 2014 at 9:51 pm #51153@Jasmine-3ParticipantNo worries Rachel. There is no hurry in this world 🙂 Whenever you are ready, someone will be there to help you out. Until then, enjoy your life.
Cheers
J
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