I am sorry for your pain ainka.

I offer a suggestion to let this person go as the first step toward your healing.
I have done releasing ceremonies to let go of things I do not want in my life anymoe.
Write down your pain. Let your emotions out on paper. Pour out all your suffering, resentment, anger, betrayal, and lost love.
Then crumple up that paper and take it to a place where it has some meaning for you. Perhaps it is a quiet place by the lake or a tree or where you have your altar.
Say a prayer of thanks and love and then burn the paper.

And then, step-by-step, love yourself.
Do what it takes to nurture and love yourself day-by-day.
Each morning when you arise, look into the mirror, directly into your eyes and say I Love You.
Each day commit on doing one thing that will make you smile.
In your daily meditation, sit with whatever emotions that you have and BE with it however painful.
Be conscious of doing something good for another. Look outside yourself and perform an act of kindness.
Put this into your daily gratitude journal.

Let us know how you are doing.

Metta,
Mark

My former spouse and I had our 2nd child at the age of 40. There are many women who have had children in their older age.

You nor I know the future. I encourage you to have hope for yourself, stay in the present moment for your life today and heal.

Take care,
Mark