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i dont want to be dependent on anyone to be happy

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • February 13, 2014 at 9:10 am #50914
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi shraddha,
    I am sorry for your dilemma. Your marriage sounds like a relationship does not really sound like it serves your emotional and sexual needs. I can understand why you enjoyed your colleague’s attentions to fulfill such needs and now missing the absence.

    My guess is that your bigger issue is to find a way to be in a fully committed relationship that meets all those needs. I would think that staying married will not free you up to really live your life fully.

    I invite you to think about what you really want. Five, ten or twenty years from now, where do you want to see yourself? What kind of life can you imagine having? What can of life you want to have? I would start from there and then you have a better basis on how to start living your life now. You can start making choices based on that future vision you want for yourself.

    Metta,
    Mark

    February 14, 2014 at 11:11 pm #51042
    natasha
    Participant

    Dear mark,

    U are right in understanding me of being in fully committed relationship where I will find what I am looking for. For the questions you asked, I have always wanted to live a loving life. Few years back I use to dream of having a good life with a loving family, a loving husband and a cute baby who will make our family complete. Now, if I think, I find myself don’t wanting a kid because that will stop me from going out and enjoying my freedom. I will loose all the attention that I get new From outside world other than my husband.romance will be no more. I am stuck here and can’t think of life after 10 years. I want to get rid of this feeling. Our families are very conservative. All my thoughts are criminal thoughts in such a conservative family. But I am helpless. I want to get rid of these thoughts and live a normal life. M I expecting much more from life? I sometimes feel like giving up and die. I am feeling stuck.

    February 14, 2014 at 11:41 pm #51044
    Mark
    Participant

    Shraddha,
    I believe we are trapped by our own minds which have been programmed by our culture, traditions and families. It all comes down to “shoulds”… we should do this and we should do that regardless whether it is RIGHT for us, regardless whether it feeds our hearts and souls.

    I have been in that trap. It took a leap-of-faith for me to follow what I truly believe is right for me in MY own life. It was scary and it defied convention and logic. AND I am happier for it.

    I invite you to put aside what you were raised on what you are suppose to do, what family and culture and religion tells you what you are suppose to do, and to sit still and look deep inside your heart and hear what you NEED to do.

    Metta,
    Mark

    February 16, 2014 at 11:48 am #51105
    Marilyn Sinatra Gill
    Participant

    Shraddha,

    I am sorry to hear of what you are going through. With my marriage of 31 years to an Indian man, I had to learn not to depend on him or anyone else and to find my happiness within myself. Through years of counseling, I have found that unless you love yourself and accept yourself for who you are, you can never find love and happiness with another person. We have many cultural differences but deep down inside, we love each other even though there has been a lot of hurt throughout the years. I guess when I took my vows, good times and bad, sickness and health, I took them to heart. We separated three times and learned something each time, becoming better people, realizing what we had been through and the hurt we both endured. It is hard these days with cultural expectations and what your family wants for you. My daughter is half Indian, married a Sikh who wanted to live with his parents, and she knew it would be hard for her. They tried it for a year and broke up. She has learned from this and will try to make sure in the next relationship, that she is very sure she can compromise and figure out what she wants ahead of time. Maybe you just need some soul searching to see what you really want in life and your relationship. I hope this helps you and good luck! God bless you too!

    Marilyn

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