Oda,

I’m sorry for your insecurity, and can understand why it feels awkward to talk to people sometimes. Consider a few things. First, talking (especially with new people or acquaintances) is almost always a little awkward. When you talk to others, perhaps accept that it will be awkward, and do your best to move on. Second, its good to wish not to offend other people. However, we can’t control that… because their getting offended is between them, what they hear, and how they interpret it. What we can control (somewhat) are our intentions.

You don’t intend to offend anyone, and wish them peace and happiness. That’s great! It means that even if you do accidently offend someone, you’re in a great place to overcome it. Said differently, if you can accept that you don’t want to offend anyone, and leave it at that, then if you ever do cause hurt feelings by mistake, your heart will move to reconcile with the person that felt hurt by your words. Until then, however, its pointless to speculate. 99 times out of 100, the people aren’t thinking about you anymore at all… perhaps some of them are even stressing that they offended you!

Finally, consider more self nurturing activities. Perhaps you have a low self esteem in some areas, and being kind to ourselves helps a lot to grow, rekindle, and fuel our sense of connection with the world. This naturally bolsters our self esteem, because wherever we go, there we are, open and ready.

With warmth,
Matt

I can relate. I am 19 a college student and I have recently realized how fucked up and depressing the world we live in is. Everything they told me as a kid growing up does not make sense anymore, nothing in life seems fair. Work hard and it will be alright only takes you so far. I feel like I am stuck in a corner/dead end one way road with nowhere to go all alone.Finding a reason to live seems like an obstacle everyday. I just wonder if there is any light at the end of the tunnel? I wonder if it will ever get any better everyday I can’t escape these thoughts no matter how hard I try to focus.

Thank you Matt for your kind advice! I will try not to think too much and rehash past conversations. I tend to beat myself up when I make a mistake or do something wrong.

oda

Oda,
I believe that our mind is our most useful tool and the the thing that can cause us the most pain. Our reality is how we think of it. If you have not gotten any feedback from your co-workers that you have offended them then it is most likely all in your head.

I can only offer that if we truly speak from the heart and from love then that is the best we can do at the moment. Perhaps you could be more skillful in communicating but it sounds like you don’t know how your words are received.

So in the meantime, I recommend being mindful in your communication. Pause. Be in your heart. And then speak. Then let it go.

Being in our head and living in the past with regrets does not serve any of us.

If you did make a mistake then how about making amends or corrections? Remember that you are doing the best you can do at that moment. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself. I know, easy to say, hard to do.

Metta,
Mark