I recognize that you have had many significant events in your life recently that are difficult to process. Your sadness and feelings of loss are obvious. I hope I am understanding your dilemma and can offer some words of support.

Your past has had some difficulties but it also appears you hope for a better future. It also seems as though you believe some force out side of yourself has led you to this point and you believe you had/need to change. A few things on these perspectives that I would counsel as I see it.

First, your past is your past. I know that sounds too simple but think about this. It happened, it will not change, you dwelling on it will not change it, and most likely dwelling on the past does nothing to help you today. It only causes disruptions to your ability to find peace. If it is not having a positive effect on your life right now then it is a negative influence. Unfortunately, negativity seems to take very little energy to gain strength and disrupt peace. I am not saying you need to be happy all the time but not to dwell on the past that has negative effects. Where you can, accept the apologies that you never received. Also, when you meditate try to focus on gratitudes. Gratitudes fill us with happiness. Practice being grateful for the simple things. Be grateful for this moment, your breath, mobility, or intelligence. You were never guaranteed these things and yet at this very moment they are happening to you and you are alive and here to enjoy them again at this moment.

Also, she can not see what you want her to see because it is something she has to do. We can not change anyone. The only person we can be responsible for is ourselves.

The person you are today is probably not that significantly more different than who you were in the past, possibly more aware and hopeful, but the same? I also look at changes more as obstacles. To me obstacles in life are merely lessons that shape my desires, intentions, and efforts. I am presented new opportunities, challenges, and choices everyday and how I choose to respond directly effects the outcome. I strive to chose compassion, tolerance, and peace, and when I find myself responding in another way I simply refocus myself and go back to myself and try it again. There is no failure or wrong way. Simply re-attempts and refocusing. If you are practicing this everyday then the “changes” you want her to “see” will be known.

I hope this has been helpful.

Renée