I wrote an article about being stalked, harassed, and ultimately left unprotected by online and physical people (http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/forgiving-situation-feels-unjust/). Mel is right: you have every right to feel that pain and while you may not appreciate the “walk away” advice at the moment, it is the best advice for you. In my situation, I learned that the people who act like that feed off of it and will not stop. Unfortunately, these types of people habitually do these types of acts simply to conceal their own pain–the cliched “misery loves company.”

After writing my article, I dealt with a person who would probably match identically to your tormentor–willing to say anything to get a rise out of people. He learned that I volunteer with minors who have learning disabilities and actually tried to claim that he had such a learning disability and was legally going to run someone over and “get away with it” but purposefully get me into trouble. He was denied any continued lessons with myself–this coming from an individual who is OLDER than me. My boss has since worked with him and discovered years of psychological abuse from his mother with whom he still communicates. This individual will never change because he does not understand that his behaviour is a direct result of his mother’s influence and HIS personal choices. Rather than seek assistance, he wants to drag other people down and blame the world for everything. Many people struggle, but it is the choices we make which define us as a person.

You are actively choosing to do good. Vocalizing your pain is NOT a bad choice and you should not feel as though it is even with comments like the one you experienced.

In your situation, you will never know for certain what this individual’s “problem” is, but it is very clear that the person is not someone for you to drop down to. Even Buddhism has the belief in hell-beings and that people choose to drop down to that level; a choice this person has even taken the time to write down.

I sincerely hope that you are able to go down that path to walking away from the situation.

Hi Jeff

That is terrible to hear that someone would say that. My only solace to you would be:

Consider how empty someones life must be to want to say mean and hurtful things. Often the people who bully are themselves victims of being bullied.,

Their comments were not about you. They probably have similar venom for a lot of people, spreading misery in a shallow attempt to fill a void.

Based on what I have read you sound like a good person who by sharing his thoughts and pain helps people that you will never know. The best thing you can do is feel pity for this person, they are trapped in a terrible state, they act out, and they may have no clue and little chance at recognizing it ii in an attempt to better themselves.

If you see this commenter with compassion with all the hateful things they have said you will be closer to having the compassion reserve that you deserve for yourself and your own healing journey.

What if this hateful comment becomes the reason you feel more compassionate for yourself, then it could truly be a blessing and growth opportunity in disguise.

Jeff,

This reminds me of a story of the Buddha. One day an angry man yelled at the Buddha, and the Buddha just smiled serenely. This infuriated the man, who asked why he didn’t respond, defend, get agitated. The Buddha said “if someone were to give you a gift and you were to refuse it, would the the item be yours?” The man said of course not. “Similarly, the gift of anger you bring me is refused, and so it remains yours.”

Other people’s venom and suffering isn’t ours, it is theirs. If we accept the gift, its like drinking their poison. Sometimes when we’re feeling grief, we write with the hopes of our feelings being validated, of our sorrow being shared, our suffering consoled. When we are rebuked instead, oh how our mind reels! However, you can also simply refuse the gift (with practice), after all, if someone handed you a pile of poop and told you to eat it, wouldn’t you laugh and say no way? Why then would you take his crappy words and eat them?

Namaste, brother, I hope you find peace.

With warmth,
Matt