I have been having a really tough time for the past few months dealing with depression and anxiety. The past month or so has felt like the most depressed I have ever been in my life ( I have dealt with depression since childhood – I grew up around domestic violence). For the past few weeks I have been going through intense therapy. I go to group a couple of times a week and I maintain contact with my therapist and psychiatrist. So I have been putting in a lot of effort to take care of myself.

I also live with someone who I have considered a good friend of my (with some reservations), she moved in with me over the summer after her and her ex had a nasty break up. I was there for her and when he was begining to become physically agressive with her, I checked in on her and with her family to make sure she was doing okay. Her uncle told me that I was “better than a good friend”, for going out of my way for her and caring so much. This all happened just a few months ago.

Now for the past month I have really been struggling with depression, its been hard for me to even get out of bed for work or even on the weekends. Last week my roommate started acting funny and avoiding me all last week, including not responding to any of my texts. I was concerned about her because of her situation with her ex. On Saturday I was going on a double date with a friend bowling and I asked my roommate if she wanted to go because i figured that she may have been a little down, and she decided to come.

On Monday I stayed home from work because my pinched nerve (stemming from my neck and goes down my spine and right arm and hand) flaired up from bowling and I decided to put some of my more strenous chores to the sides for a few days so that I could heal.

So finally yesterday (Tuesday), I asked her why she was not responding to my texts and why she had been so distant for over a week. She told me that my issues were overwhelming her and that it was bothering her that I hadnt taken out the recycling or cleaned the bathroom right away when it was my turn to clean. She knew that I had a pinched nerve but I think she thinks I just make excuses. I kind of feel like she thinks depression is a bit of an execuse and like I should just “snap out of it” . I was kind of offended and felt abandoned b/c while I was at my worst she was MIA. I had even texted her a couple of times asking if she was ignoring me because I knew she had her phone but she didnt respond. I had no clue what was going on.I was actually concerned about her because I knew that she was having issues with her break-up.

I have always felt like I care about her and I would do anything for her because that is the kind of friend that I am but I feel like I cannot really rely on her. Like if I asked her for a ride or something it would be difficult. Meanwhile a few months ago she asked me to drive her to the airport at 4:30 in the morning (before I went to work) and to pick her up a few days later after work during rush hour traffic (one of the busiest cities in America), yet i didnt hesitate because that is what friends do. Even when she was going through a tough time financially, she only had a few dollars to last her a week and because I had extra money at the time I offered to lend her some money for gas and food until her next paycheck ( I never expect for her to do that for me).

One time there was an EXTREMELY drunk man walking on the highway and my phone was dead and I asked her to give me her phone so that i could call 911 and she told me “No! I dont want to get charged for a non-emergency call! (she is very frugal) ” I couldnt believe her. I would have been so upset if I saw on the news later that they guy had been killed when I could have helped him. LUCKILY we passed a police car and I flagged him down. But I seriously couldnt believe that she would not call 911 to save someone’s life!! (even if the guy was dumb for drinking too much).

If she didnt feel like dealing with my issues then she also shouldnt have wanted to come bowling with me. I was feeling sorry for HER, meanwhile she was trying to avoid ME. When I realized what was really going on I was so hurt. I understand if she felt overwhelmed but the least she could have done was tell me that she just needed time to herself instead of ignoring me for a week. That is just rude.

I know she is a decent person but I feel like she has a lot of selfish tendencies. Well actually I know she does but I try to overlook them and not judge, but the fact that I have been at my lowest point, going to therapy, taking FMLA at work, it hurts that during my darkest time she literally abandoned me.

I told her that I have been working on myself and that I know I am not at my best right now but I am trying. And she has known me for years. How do you think I should handle this situation? I have struggled with feeling as though I cannot rely on her or ask her for much for years. Maybe she is meant to be just a friend, not a “close friend”, which means that I should not go out of my way to much for her so that there is no confusion as to our relationship. Please be kind when responding, I am already pretty down. Thank you!

• This topic was modified 11 years ago by lea.
• This topic was modified 11 years ago by lea.
• This topic was modified 11 years ago by lea.
• This topic was modified 11 years ago by lea.
• This topic was modified 11 years ago by lea.