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  • November 8, 2013 at 1:11 am #45003
    Tony
    Participant

    I am not really sure were to start or what I am doing here. Maybe grabbing at straws in hopes that I can find something. I have recently come to realize that I have never truly been happy. I am 25 years old, my life is going OK and I don’t have any real problems to deal with yet I feel that I am at the lowest point that I have ever been. In recent weeks I have been reflecting back on my life and have realized that I am distrusting of everyone in my life. I lie to people I have never met for reasons I am unsure of. I push away the few friends that I do have. I feel completely detached from everything that I do. I feel completely emotionless when it comes to any relationship that I do have yet I will randomly tear up for no reason. It seems that every time I try to work on these problems I find myself off track a few days later. Where do I start? How do I go about fixing this? I feel like a complete idiot posting this, but this is excruciating to deal with. I just don’t know what to do.

    November 8, 2013 at 11:36 am #45019
    John
    Participant

    First of all, you’re not an idiot. That’s just your mind playing tricks on you.

    You say, “It seems that every time I try to work on these problems I find myself off track a few days later.”

    Working on problems, kicking old habits, unlearning behaviors, developing new patterns and ways of being is definitely going to put us off track. The mind will rebel. It’ll want to go where it feels comfortable and safe, because the new and different are unfamiliar and scary.

    Be brave Tony. Keep working at it. In posting here, you’ve demonstrated that you’re able to be vulnerable, share, and have gained a new supporter in your plight.

    Two steps forward, one step back. It’s a slow process, but eventually, you’ll get to where you want to go. 🙂

    November 8, 2013 at 4:48 pm #45028
    Matt
    Participant

    Tony,

    In addition to John’s heartfelt words, consider checking out Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly”. It addresses the core of what you’re describing, which is the emotion of “not good enough as I am” or shame. It clogs up our connection to the world, leaves us feeling isolated and unworthy, hungry for connection… but what connection we do find is stale, tasteless. Its OK though, dear sibling, a ton of people have had the same challenge as you, and the tearing up is actually a great sign. It means that even with all the nothingness and solitude you’ve faced, the candle of hope is still burning.

    From there, it just takes time grow. You’ll naturally begin to find better food, so you aren’t starving for connection. Said differently, the lies and isolation and whatnot are just baggage that you’re already in the process of settling. A great first step is opening up to others and finding out you’re not as uniquely lost as you thought! 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

    November 9, 2013 at 10:06 pm #45085
    Annie
    Participant

    I think your story rings a lot like mine. I have felt this way for most of my life. I just started to realize how unhappy I really am and that its up to me to make the changes. Its hard when we are lost and we dont know which direction to swim to. Most of the time for myself, my mind felt numb, like if I could feel anything, let alone know what is wrong with me , what I like , what I dont like, what hurt me. It just feel all the same numbness, blank feeling. I have been try to fix the surface of my problems for the last 10 years, now im ready to start the real deal.

    I will keep you posted on my discoveries,

    good luck,

    November 11, 2013 at 10:27 pm #45163
    Tony
    Participant

    Thanks guys, It helps knowing that I am not the only one that feels this way. Matt, thank you for the book recommendation. I am waiting for it to be returned to the library so I can read it. Annie, I will do the same. I have been reading “Meditation for your life” by Robert Burtera and it has helped me already, you should give it a try.

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