Danielle,

I’m sorry for the confusion and spinning surrounding your romantic spirit, and understand how difficult it can be to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Often times in relationships we get what we give. Really in all aspects of our journey, what we sew we reap. We plant seeds, and harvest fruit. Etc. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that you seem to be blaming him for being scared of making the same move you are scared of making. When its on your side its “I’m working on it, I’ve been burned in the past” and so forth. When its on his side, its “man up” or “should I walk away?” and so forth. Respectfully, it is silly to project judgment toward others for doing the same thing we are doing.

Next, why is it his move? You say you know how you feel about him, are in love with him, but are scared. That makes sense, dear sister. Being in love is scary. You, me, him… we all feel fear when we are in love, because vulnerability opens up (like it or not) and the unknown rears its head. What if it goes south? What if he cheats? What if he dies? What if the 3 month curse strikes again? On and on and on our whole lives can skirt past us while we are worrying about the future, the what if. That’s the really scary thing… what if you are so scared of being open that you forget to live?

I wish I could say you are a fool Danielle. A fool in tarot is a being on a journey, who follows their heart, their dream, right off the edge of a cliff. Along the way they find wisdom, passion, love and courage. Yes, its scary, and we jump anyway. Yes, if it goes south it will hurt a lot and we’ll cry, and we jump anyway. That’s what courage is, to have fear, believe in love, sing our heartfelt song, and hope for the best. Instead of that faith, you have “I just can’t! Its too scary!” That’s not being a fool… respectfully, its cowardice. Its understandable of course, because the pain from the past casts shadows in the present.

Finally, when we act wishy washy, it leads to wishy washy results. Said differently, if you want a different life then the one you have right now, it is up to you to grow it in that direction. No “man up”, “if only he will…” or any of that victim hibbityjab…. its your canvas, sister, and you are strong and brilliant. Consider another angle: perhaps the universe has blossomed a perfect teacher for you in this sortofboyfriend. A muse to push you beyond your fears. A chance. He is there, resting in love with you, calling your heart to open. Of course its scary, most of the roads worth walking are, because they require us to grow and change. It may not work out, but who cares? Failure and emotional pain is OK, you’ve been through it before… its all part of finding our love. Isn’t it worth the chance?

Namaste, sister, may you find your courage and peace.

With warmth,
Matt

Danielle,

It wasn’t my intention to call your actions projection… only that you seem to give him the power in the relationship. That’s fine if its what you want, but then its silly to resent him for being who he is. For instance, if he says “where would you like to eat dinner?” And you really want sushi, but say “anywhere you want” then while you’re eating what he wanted, blaming him for not taking you to sushi isnt fitting.

Said differently: Danielle, from your post it seems really clear that you want more than what you have. If you are not clear about your desires, don’t resent him for plodding over them… don’t be confused that they aren’t being met… each partner in a relationship has the task of honoring each others desires by expressing, compromising, and fullfilling each other. You’re two years in, so its not “starting a relationship” at this point. Consider that label or not, your intimacy is romantic and well established at this point. What is it you’re looking for? “Him to change” is a less skillful aim… what would the label bring you that you don’t have now? Exclusiveness? Kids? Living together? If he balks at labels, perhaps he’d be willing to compromise and grow in the same direction… but avoid his hangups on specific words. Artists are often picky about that kind of thing… they see structure as limiting, confining. Its silly, because its actually quite freeing. We have a precise and exactly formed structure for airplanes, for example, and they allow us to fly. A very precisely understood set of boundaries in an intimacy is similar. It let’s us relax, set down the games and the doubt and just fly.

With warmth,
Matt

I’d love to sugar coat this, offer you kid gloves, but I can’t.

All I hear is love is pain to overcome.
And that is your belief.
That’s your’s to hold solid, like rocks.
Also I have to add you have jealousy issues.
You must realize that if you want to embrace your own female self you must love us all, all of your sisters.
You also rationalize much. “oh, he’s not like that really”
But maybe, just maybe…….
and the last time I checked in on reality………
I believed the words and reacted appropriately to my self worth.
And alas the surprise, was indeed, the words were truth.

“I like you, but am not inlove with you”
“I’m not sure how I feel”
“I need my space”
“You’re this….. and I don’t like it”
“I’m thinking about moving to another city”
“I got a call from my ex, who wants to meet up”

I let them go freely, I know I am not here to regulate their existence, their future, their path.
I also know when my safety of emotions is concerned, I turn inward, outward and then forward, like a wind and sometimes like a tornado.