I think a more important question is why don’t you WANT anyone in your life? I am also private and I tend to be a home body. It’s where I’m content. I’m single, and am perfectly content with that as well. However, I do have some wonderful friends who get that I’m an introvert. I don’t make friends easily but the ones I make, I keep, even when we move to opposite ends of the globe. They enrich my life, make me laugh in ways I never imagined possible, love me when I screw up, allow me to be a better person by being there for them and loving them just as much when they screw up, etc. There are countless ways that I’m blessed to have them in my life.

You seem to base your desire to not be around anyone on your strong dislike of sharing your feelings and emotions. I’m not so great at those either; it’s a work in progress. But I think you need to ask yourself WHY you so intensely dislike sharing your feelings. In my experience, that often comes down to fear or shame. Fear of what people will think, fear that your feelings aren’t normal, that there is something wrong with you, that people will realize how weird you are, that you aren’t perfect, etc. And shame that people might figure out that you aren’t loveable.

None of those are true, of course. But a lot of us struggle with those thoughts. Part of the reason that I don’t share my feelings with many people is because, as an introvert, I prefer to work things out in my head first. I prefer to get a grasp on the situation, my options, my thoughts, before sharing them. That’s okay! But then I also sometimes still don’t share once I have a handle on everything because I’m afraid I’ll be judged. And that really comes down to my own sense of self-worth. And that is why I’m working on it.

Being around large groups of people is exhausting for me. Sometimes it can be very fun, but it’s always tiring. So, I get that. I’m less exhausted one-on-one. But even then, I need a lot of time to myself. I’m not the kind of person who can be around people all the time. Do you have a job that requires you to be around people? If so, by the time you get off work, you might just be too tired to want to maintain friendships. If you simply don’t have any desire to have people in your life, then you don’t NEED them. You can definitely go off grid. Just keep in mind that your needs might change and fluctuate in life. You might be in a phase where you are exhausted around people and don’t want or need them. In a few years, you might desire the company of others. So, if it changes, be open to it. If it doesn’t and you’re content, more power to you 🙂

Ke,

Perhaps the reason you’re feeling tired and listless is not inherent, and could untangle. When I read your words, it seems you are trying to avoid social situations because they are exhausting. Some people have found that it is not the social situation that is tiring, rather it is the generating and maintaining a “personality” that is tiring. Its like there we are, real and true, and then we create a mask of “what we feel comfortable being seen as” or “who we think they want to see” or “the acceptable one”. So we try to talk through the mask’s mouth, from the mask’s point of view. No wonder we get tired!

The question becomes not “why do we need other people in our life” but “why don’t I like myself very much?” and “why do I feel unaccepted?” These are the questions that produce the healing that allows us to be fueled by our environment. Whether that be a cave or a party, the vibrancy of beauty is there all around us, moving through us.

Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt

Hey Ke,

I used to be a a natural and extreme extrovert and now I’m an extreme introvert. From my experiences, anything that leaves you feeling drained and listless isn’t meant for you. Perhaps you are just introverted or maybe you just haven’t found your kind of people who *get* you. I think relationships are healthiest when they aren’t based on needing each other to fulfill emotional voids. At times I’ve hung out with people to give them a shot, or to get out of the house more, or because they needed a friend, or because I thought maybe I was just too picky. I don’t think you can be sure of things unless you try, but overall I’ve learned that although relating to all kinds of people is a great skill and has taught me a lot, sometimes I would rather just be by myself.

As a general rule of thumb if I’m watching the clock and a minute seems like an hour, I’m probably not where I’m supposed to be. Alternatively when I lose track of time I’m probably found something special that I should stick with.

To answer your original question, I think we all need mirrors, experiences and relationships to grow. I think other people give you another dimension of self awareness which cannot be achieved alone. Plus, what you hate about yourself someone else could find endearing and something that comes naturally to you might be a lesson someone else is trying to understand. The natural give and take of an edifying relationship is exponentially freeing. I enjoy finding people who get me. I think of them as puzzle pieces who I can help and fit in certain ways and vice versa. If it takes me a while to find those puzzle pieces, I’ve learned to be okay with that.