Hello AvidDreamer.

This sounds like a very difficult and heartbreaking situation, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through it.

I want to share my thoughts on this while simultaneously giving you the room to think and feel for yourself. It would be easy to say something like, “Break up with him. You deserve better.” (And you absolutely do.) But then again, I’m not in your shoes and can’t feel what you’re feeling. I can’t understand how truly difficult it would be to make that decision after being with and loving the same person for so long.

You’ve developed an attachment to him, and the more that attachment grows, the harder it will be to cut the cord. But believe me when I tell you that this relationship is far from healthy. You’re young, and you have so much going for you right now. It’s unfair to yourself to let another person drag you down. Your boyfriend is clearly going through some disturbing troubles of his own, and unless he agrees to seek help and truly grasp how lucky he is to have you, this situation may not improve much. Sometimes people just don’t change. It sucks, but we all have moments when we need to ask ourselves if someone is really worth it or not.

I let a close person out of my life a few years ago, and it was one of the hardest things I ever did. But once the grieving process ran its natural course, I was able to blossom into a whole new person. I learned so much, I grew so much, and I felt so much happier and lighter after ridding myself of such a toxic relationship. Now I have room in my life for healthy relationships with people who lift me up instead of bring me down.

So here’s my advice, and you can take it or leave it: Give yourself some space from your boyfriend. It can be a week, it can be two weeks, it can be a month. The longer, the better. Do not contact each other during this break. If you return from the break and he is still treating you like this, it’s time to get honest with yourself and potentially make a difficult decision.

Love is not love if the love isn’t mutual. And you show that you love another through your actions, not your words. He can tell you he loves you all day long, but if he doesn’t show it, it’s meaningless.

Best of luck to you. <3