Hi Matt thanks for that I understand completely 🙂 understanding is one thing though.. lol. I definatly compare myself a lot especially since I had a bit of a breakdown a year ago resulting from years of repressed hurt and constant anxiety =S and have found myself in the recent past finding it difficult to live normally and to even just communicate with others! it has been hard and frustrating and whilst I was going through the heaviest part of it all I was working in a beauty salon with girls who had big personalities and great social lives and I always compared where I was at to where they are at; always feeling insignificant and defeated (which is the way I saw it at the time) forgetting the fact that they were just at different stages in their lives and I justr happened to be in a tough one of my own.

But the reason I posted the question is because I hae gone back to that same place after a years break to help the girls out over the busy period, and I went back with much more confidance as I have made a lot of progress (with anxiety, living and simply communicating with people) but 3 days in a began comparing again just like I had last time, and my confidance dropped, my self doubt kicked in and I felt as though I was right back to where I started. I found it disappointing and a bit of a fail on my part, I also saw how much I was comparing myself to the other girls and realized how much I use to, I became a little jealous and I just hate that :(. I don’t understand how all of this self work and healing can be thrown out the window in an instant, making me feel like all that I have done for myself since then has been a total waste of time. I don’t like comparing myself and I don’t want to feel jealous because I like the girls I work with and naturally I am an enthusiastic and supportive person and I cant stand feeling this way. And also still rejecting myself and not owning my own uniqueness and special qualities..

Thanks so much for your response 🙂

thanks for that, that’s a good way to put it and pretty spot on to how ive been feeling a lot of the tine/most the time; seeing great and positive things everywhere and in everyone but feeling low about myself because of it (as ive been comparing my current and past circumstances to their seemingly ‘better’ situations) it also makes me a little impatient with myself as I do just want to be settled and experience joy and life instead of just watch it. I discount my orogress and forget where im at and why! lol I have been running atleast 3 days a week for a few moths now and that has helped a lot, makes me feel accomplished as I have improved my fitness a lot since starting and I always feel good about myself afterwards, I feel more centred (or as centred as I can be with my mind still racing) so I guess I should keep that up.. other than that I read positive things and do design work and listen to uplifting music, that almost always puts me in a good place atleast for a little while. But I understand how you need to take care and let go in order to function normally and continue to feel sort of alive! I have also been practicing meditation and breathing, im amazed at how breathing can help actually as I use to think and feel it did nothing; was just doing it wrong.

I ALWAYS have found when I have felt settled in the past (talking way back when I was living at home at age 16) I felt completely whole and happy, I did feel beautiful as you say and confident within myself but havnt felt that way since I left, when things got stressful I guess.. I don’t know! & I do find going on facebook sometimes makes me compare even more so I have been trying to watch that and remind myself of where im at and what im doing about it.

Thanks for your understanding and kind advice, it’s horrible feeling jealousy and insignificance and I felt crappy and ‘small’ for feeling it but I appreciate being reassured that it’s understandable to be feeling that way and I don’t have to beat myself up about it; it’s nice to have some positive feedback when I myself find it a challenge to give myself the same compassionate feedback. Thank you 🙂